I am back from my hiatus. I would like to say I was filling my time learning how to use numbchucks or finding a cure for stupidity, but alas, I must admit that I have just been being lazy. Oh, and I had a cold.
Anyhoo, I was having a conversation with a coworker the other day about relationships and the characteristics that people find attractive. Did you know that men notice nice skin, or the lack thereof? Also, that men desire women that are of smaller stature than they? This second fact I knew from my many readings of fictional love stories, however, I thought perhaps it was just a fictional romantic notion- this man towering over some hot babe thing. Nay, it is truth. I wonder what the short dudes do?
The discussion turned to the fact that my Rockstar has somewhat longer hair than the average male, (though not nearly as long as I’d like). My coworker was appalled at my admission that if R was to cut all his hair off, he would become just slightly less appealing to me and my lady parts. It is shameful, I know, since he plays guitar and has a wondrously beautiful nose, and deals with all of my sparkling faults, but it is not something I can help. After I admitted my disgusting shallowness, I got to thinking of all the celebrity men who once had me in their sensual hair net (see what I did there?) only to lose me to the dastardly acts of a pair of silvery shears:
Blake Shelton: Damn Miranda Lambert! I am convinced it was the she-devil herself who urged Blake to cut his glorious curly mullet. (Ok, I know the mullet isn’t really in style and all, but it looks aright with a cowboy hat.) No longer do I care to repeatedly watch his music videos while imagining my hands entangled in the mass of Jerry-curl.
Brad Pitt: I know I am not the only woman to have fallen for Brad in Legends of the Fall. It may have been his golden shimmering locks, or his extremely well-toned six pack, but I assure you, I’ve seen him shirtless in many other movies, minus his lengthy tresses, and it just didn’t have the same effect.
Dierks Bentley: Those of you who don’t listen to country are like, “WHO?!”, and it’s true that Dierks never grew his hair out to extensive lengths, but it was to my great despair that he cut all his cherubic curls off and now looks like a shorn sheep.
Justin Timberlake: Ok, I just added him because his ‘fro was pretty awesome. He’s never had any effect whatsoever on my lady parts.
Sean Connery: This one was a surprise, even to me, since Sean usually sports a Marine-like buzz- cut. However, I was watching The Rock the other day, and was amazed to find that his 700-hundred year old grey Highlander ‘do was doin’ it for me. Who knew?
I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. I’d even go so far to say that if Steve Buscemi grew out his mane, he would be in danger of a Sparkle Attack. I have named this the Samson Effect, for once their hair has been cut, men have no power over me.