As I sit here drinking rum
at ten-thirty in the morning,
I begin to wonder if maybe
I might be a pirate by the time the bottle’s gone.
Wouldn’t that be ideal?
There certainly seems to be
a goodly number of drunk men
thinking they are Superman….
I can see the commercial for it now.
No need for higher learning!
Drink what you want to be!
Like, if you long to be a cowboy,
break out the Jim and Jack!
You’ll be whoring and meeting your enemy
at high noon in no time!
You aspire to be a great writer, you say?
Well, what kind of writer do you wish to be?
Do you wish to write brilliant
yet depressingly dull fiction?
Hemingway preferred absinthe.
Mind the green fairy, though.
She may put a shotgun in your hand
and bid you blow your brains out.
You have a journalistic edge?
Wild turkey was Hunter’s poison.
(I do wonder if maybe you might
just turn into a turkey if you drink that though.)
Wouldn’t it be grand?
If instead of just being called an alcoholic,
you could be called Marilyn Monroe?
What if you constantly drink vodka?
Will you turn into a Russian anarchist?
I’m not sure all Russians endorse anarchy,
but there sure seems to be
a hella lotta movies portraying them that way.
The question really is….
if you drink sea water,
are you actually a mermaid?