Tag Archives: applying for jobs

Cover Letter


So, I’ve never really written a cover letter for any resume I’ve handed out, but I did for this personal assistant job. Ok, so I know it wasn’t as professional as it should have been…

 

To Whom It May Concern,

Hello! And welcome to my cover letter! I’m so glad you made it this far! You’ve asked your applicants to list five things that would make them stand out from the rest. Since I adore talking about myself, this shall be an exciting exercise.

1. I am the hardest worker you will ever meet. This may seem presumptuous, but I am that also, so we’ll just get that out of the way right now.

2. I am brutally honest, and do not shy away from saying what is the truth when it needs to be said.

3.  Whatever skills I possess, are excellent ones. Whatever skills I don’t yet possess will also be excellent when I finally get them.

4. I have a sense of humor that makes working with me great, but it in no way interrupts or prohibits me from doing my job amazingly well.

5. To prove that number 2 is as true as it should be, and despite the fact that it is completely unprofessional and really has no bearing on whether I am able to perform the needed duties, the final thing that would make me stand out from your other applicants is my 38 DDD chest. Because it most certainly stands out, and whether or not anyone will admit it, it would probably come to mind when processing your interviews.

I look forward to working with you!

Thanks so much,

Sparklebumps the Book Whore

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Filed under Humor, Life, Money, Uncategorized, Work

Apply Now!


And I have.

I find it a little disconcerting when I’ve taken to applying  for jobs on my days off as a Pizza Slut. Can job apply-ery be considered a hobby? I believe so, especially when I can recite from memory the exact start and end dates of my last FOUR jobs. (My Rockstar was slightly impressed at that feat.)

It’s not that I despise my current job- ok, that’s a lie. So I despise my current job, but not for the reasons one may perhaps think. It’s true that the lack of tipping going on is at an all time high, and it’s also true that despite the fact that I told my boss last week that I’m no longer in charge, I still seem to be the only one who knows what the fuck is going on there. But if you were to ask me why it is I so desperately seek new employment, I would tell you it is because I wish to have a job that I shower at BEFORE I go to work, not after.

I remember now the reason I so had come to hate my old restaurant job. It is because the stench of grease and sustenance never fully washes away in the cleansing waters of the bath. I loofah (is that a verb?) like crazy, and yet I find myself sniffing my pits wondering if I stink as bad as I think I do.

This was never a problem at my bookstore. Sure, old books have a distinct scent to them, but not one that gone unwashed will make you smell like an athlete’s jock strap.

And so, I decided today during my search for the perfect job that isn’t writing, I shall not lower my standards to apply at any job that causes me to break a sweat on a daily basis. (It’s disturbing how completely lazy that sounds to me.) Luckily, Barnes and Nobles is once again hiring, so that was my first application of the day. Too, I found that ULTA was hiring, and since the girls that work there are always beautiful in looks and smell, I said to myself that I must get that job! After pooh-poohing the idea of becoming a breast imager (while the concept sounds extremely interesting, I am certain there must be some sort of schooling needed there), I decided that I’ve had enough for the day.

Now I sit with fingers crossed, hoping no interviewers ask me the reason for my termination from the bookstore…

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Filed under Beauty, Books, Humor, Life, Money, Uncategorized, Work