Tag Archives: awards

Inspirational? More Like Perspirational


very-inspring

Thanks to Erin and her ass, I’ve been nominated for the Very Inspirational Blogger Award. As I sit here dripping with sweat, (haha, I know you all were thinking I’d be dripping something else) I cannot help but think that just maybe she meant to endow me with the Perspirational Blogger Award. I realize that 80 degrees sounds lovely, but here in Minnesota, 80 degrees is the equivilant of 120 degrees, and causes a permanent river of sweat to flow betwixt my considerable she-mountains. Anyhoo, I digress.

I’ve received enough awards in bloggerville to sufficiently have bored you all with facts concerning moi. So, instead of writing another seven things about me nobody except Art cares about, (haha) I shall list seven people who have inspired me to be… well, me.

1. Maya Angelou.

Maya is not on my list because she has just recently passed. I loved her long before she was spoken of in the past tense. As I read her six biographical books, I realized that perhaps someday, if I have as much courage and pizzazz as she, people might actually want to read my story as well. Though I will never be able to weave words together quite the way that she did.

2. Angelina Jolie.

Incidentally, Angelina’s movie Maleficent released today, after a long wait of almost FOUR years. I’m dragging my Rockstar to it tonight! (YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!) Anyhoo, Angelina is beautiful, (I don’t care what any of you say) and she always has been to me. You all know how she is, so I will not go to great lengths to explain my reasons. Suffice to say that she is someone I would love to be friends with. (And maybe more, if she would so have me.)

3. Dolly Parton

Because she’s 127, and is still awesome. If you disagree, you suck.

4. My Auntie.

Because she does so much for everyone else, yet still finds time for herself, and will always listen to anyone who needs her to.

5. My Rockstar.

He inspires me to live up to my potential, even if it is by semi-rudely telling me to quit being lazy. I know he adores me, despite the fact that he refuses to verbally say so, which inspires me to get him to the point where he will say it aloud. Too, he inspires me to wash the dishes, which can never be a bad thing.

6. King David.

If you don’t know who that is, you should read your Bible more often. He inspires me, (even though he is really quite dead) because he wasn’t perfect, yet God still loved him immensely. He is proof that even a fuck-up is worthy of God’s fondness.

7. All the boys in the world. (And some of the girls.)

Even though I have my Rockstar, I do not deny the fact that I adore being adored. These boys (and girls) inspire me to actually shower most days, and to put a little (and sometimes a lot) of effort into how I look, as time-consuming as it is. Too, the smarties of the world who are not moved by just a pretty face inspire me to keep learning, because you just never know when you might run into an attractively-intelligent person you wish to converse with. And many of them don’t give a hoot about the Kardashians.

As for the rest of the rules concerning winning an award, I don’t do that shit. Just click on someone who has commented on my blog, because obviously they are very wise.

XOXO

 

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Almost 20 Questions


liebster-awardIt is lovely to be loved. This time, I am appreciated by one JoJo Knows Everything,  who has nominated me for the Liebster Award. As a receiver of several such awards, I have adopted the tradition of not following all of the rules of such awards, but of course answering the questions asked of me, as well as sharing the requested number of facts about moi, because, really, who doesn’t want to know more about me?

The Facts:

(Here I will admit that I am running out of facts about me, because, despite what my histrionic personality will tell you, I really am not all that interesting.)

1. I wear contacts.

When I was younger, I wore glasses, but begged for contacts incessantly, because my blue-plastic-framed spectacles refused to stay put on my nose, and so my ten year old self walked around with glasses on the end of my button nose like an 80-year-old-granny.

2. I have all my wisdom teeth.

Because I am very wise. And have a big mouth.

3. I bite my nails.

A habit I have never been able to break since childhood. I believe one of my life goals at the age of eleven was to have long nails.

4. I fart.

But if you ask me, I will deny, deny, deny.

5. I think about food every second of every day.

Which is why a goodly amount of time and money are spent in a McDonald’s drive thru.

6. I refuse to live in a beige house.

People who live in beige houses are boring and perfect. While I possess a set of nearly-perfect breasts, I cannot boast that the rest of my body and mind is of such  caliber. And so I must live in a rainbow house.

7. I wish to have a “Grandma Garden”.

That is, a garden perfectly groomed like one planted by a person who is retired with very little else to do. Sadly, I am much too lazy, and have things to do.

8. My Rockstar has a perfect man ass.

I realize this fact is not exactly about me, but here you go- I spend an exorbitant amount of time thinking about sinking my teeth into his perfect man ass.

9. I cannot help but stare at the eyebrows of people who have filled them in with eyebrow pencil.

I just can’t help it.

10. I’m having hip problems at 32.

Probably due to the extensive high-heel collection I have, and the sometimes excessive on-top sex I have with my Rockstar.

11. My dog farts.

And if you asked her, if she hadn’t a long tongue, she would probably admit it.

Now on to the questions asked of me!

  1. Why do you write?

I write to keep from crying. And I write because I cannot teach. And I write because I’m supposedly good at it.

       2.   Pick one thing, event, or person that has made you a writer.

Earnest Hemingway. Not really, because I haven’t actually read any of his books, but if you can go through life in an alcohol-induced haze and still be recognized for your writing so many years later, that’s something.

       3.   How many people do you know named Josh?

One, two… nope. Just one.

      4.   Who is your writing inspiration?

My blog readers. Because without them, I would just be a diarist.

      5.   How many days a week/month do you work on your blog?

Not as often as I used to, but probably more than I should.

      6.    Where do you feel most at home?

In bed, lying on my back, with my Rockstar’s arm flung over my belly and my legs flung over his.

      7.    If you could have a magical power what would it be?

Being awesome. Apparently, I was born magical.

      8.   The one place you have to see before you die.

Oz.

      9.  How do you feel about Highlander?

I’ve never seen it, but I feel it must be amazing.

     10.  Worst flavor?

Anything on Cornuts.

     11. You’re in a cave. To your left is a mammoth grizzly bear with its arms wrapped around the thing you love most in the world. Armed only with your wits and a small bread pudding, what do you do?

Charge the bear while screaming “aiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiiaiaiai!” and bop it in the head with the bread pudding. Duh.

The rest of the rules I shall toss to the wind, but take the time to explore my comments, and you will surely find some smart blogs to read. XOXO

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