Tag Archives: birthday

Happy Birthday To You, Dr. Seuss!


This is a birthday poem,

A poem just for you!

The indelible, incredible

immeasurable Dr. Seuss!

You brought us the Sneetches,

And Marvin K. Mooney,

The Grinch, and his

Fingers that look so damn pruny.

I wish that I’d known you

‘Cause nobody knows it-

Your brain was almost as

fucked up as my own is!

You wrote ’bout seven

naked Lady Godivas,

A book that, no matter how hard I look

I can’t find it.

I’m sure if alive you still were,

a collaboration by us would win us an Oscar.

But since you are dead,

there’s just one thing to do-

I’ll win my own Oscar

and dedicate it to you!

You’d be older than

Any hot guy that I crush on, but since you were brilliant,

I’d still give you a blowjob!

And so, Leo Giesel, I must now depart,

But you must know you’re always deep in my heart.

XOXO

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Filed under Books, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Poetry, Uncategorized

I’m Glad You’re Not Dead Yet, Chris Meloni


Dear Hottest Chris,

I’ve been searching for the perfect way to wish you a happy Entrance Into the World Day.

Since you entered this world in only the skin of your beautiful self, it seems only right that you spend your Day of Birth in exactly the same state.

That being said, I would be more than willing to come to you if you are at all uncomfortable travelling in the nude. I need only be invited.

Firstly, I would like to present to you this bottle of Jack Daniels as a birthday gift. Of course I haven’t slipped in a whole supply of Mickeys so that you will be rendered unconscious and I can ravage your naked body with no resistance. How silly of you even to think that I would do such a thing. Too, I have included a very cliche’ red rose as a symbol of my passionate feelings for you.

Secondly, I would like to present the cake I shall be jumping out of. In honor of your special day, I have decided to arrive in said cake in the exact amount of clothes you shall be sporting. Plus heels.

I was thinking, after I have jumped out of your specially-designed giant cake, you would maybe like to receive a full body massage with edible massage oils. I would make certain to include the special Triple-D massage technique wherever it is requested. After all of your hard places have been rubbed soft, (heehee) I would be more than willing to lick your deliciously-muscled bod clean of any wayward flavored oils.

As I’m quite sure you will be sleepy by this time, (because of the massage, NOT because of any Mickeys I haven’t slipped into your drink) I feel it would only be fair for me to allow you time on your day to lay down and take a nap. Therefore, I would make sure that you are positioned nicely in your bed before you pass out fall asleep.

While you are passed out resting, I would only do things to you that you would allow me to do while you were awake, like: nibbling your nipples, rubbing your feet, stroking your manhood, giving you a head massage, and massaging your hands with my boobs.

After your birthday nap of ten or 12 hours, I would be more than willing to stay in your home as a French maid; I promise you shall be amazed at my dominatrix   cleaning skills.

That being said, I would like to point out that I am daily amazed that at your age of fifty-one, you still have the ability to make my panties wet just by scowling.

Love,

Sparklebumps

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Life, Love, Sex, Uncategorized