Tag Archives: blogging

I Am Now a Mermaid


Thanks to Pouring My Art Out.

Awesomesauce. XOXO

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Filed under Beauty, fiction, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

2012 In Review- Or Otherwise Titled: I’m Semi-Awesome


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 16,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

I could not have done it without you, My Lovelys, but I’m not nearly as famous yet as I should be- so continue to rave to your friends about my little blog. XOXO

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Filed under Humor, Life, Love, short story, Uncategorized

Presenting “Wordy and Rambling”


I was bored on my drive home today, so I decided to scroll through my phone and text random people I still have phone numbers for but are better left forgotten. (Clearly, I pay no heed to the “No texting while driving” law. Mind you, I make sure there are no vehicles within crashing distance of me, so if I cause an accident, it is only I who shall perish.)

Me: *Scroll scroll scroll* “Oh! Angry homicidal ex-lover! Let’s just say hey!”

(For the record, he was homicidal not toward me, but to people that made him angry, namely his at-the-time newly exed wife. He was probably one of the more well-read people I’ve known in life, but showed sociopathic tendencies- as in he cared not a bit about people’s feelings.)

This is how our text convo read:

Me: Hey

Him: Who is this? (Apparently he obeyed when I told him to delete my number.)

Me: Sparkle

Him: Oh… what’s up?

Me: Nothing. You should read my blog. (I am not above a little shameless self promotion)

Him: I did one time. I found it wordy and rambling.

OH yes. I remember exactly now why he and I would never have worked out. He was highly arrogant and hoity-toity, and found my lack of desire for money to be disturbing. The fact that I never did attend college also did not sit well with him. Continuing on.

Him: I didn’t mean to be mean; I just kept wanting you to get to the point. I got bored. It was like Sex and the City with no sex. (Clearly, he didn’t read much.) Sorry.

Me: Don’t be sorry, it’s your opinion.

It IS his opinion. I cannot help it if he is slightly retarded and has the wrong one.

I will admit that I am completely and utterly babbling most of the time.  I began this blog not knowing what my direction was going to be; should I post fiction, or my opinions, or try to write something grandly inspiring and emboldening? Should I channel my inner humor goddess and post only laugh-inducing entries? Being the Libra that I am, I was unable to make a decision, and decided to just write whatever I felt like writing. No rules, no boundaries. In the end, it has served me well. I have been asked to write a short story for charity and to be a guest writer on someone else’s blog; I have had several readers write posts about me, and I have had many people assure me that I am at least a little bit entertaining.

Let me point out- I do not understand what it is that’s entertaining one bit. The closest thing I’ve gotten to answer is that people have said my realness and unconventional musings are what make me amusing. That’s more than enough for me.

I appreciate every single one of the people who have even clicked on a link that bears my web address. I appreciate more the people who have actually read what they were presented with. Every person who has commented or pressed the “like” button deserved a booby squish, and I would cover every follower with kisses if it were humanly possible.

Well, now that I’ve rambled on so that you are sufficiently bored, there will be no more carrying on. No excessive words. No gimmicky babbling. To he who I have permanently deleted from my phone and my mind, let me just get to the point:

You can suck it, you imperious unfeeling douchebag. I pity the fact that you will not be treated to the entertaining posts I present. You are not worthy to lick the gum off of my satiny ruffled stillettos, and the sex wasn’t that good. So there. XOXO

P.S. I realize that wasn’t very mature; but I never said I was.

 

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Life, Sex, Uncategorized

A Dedication to 199 (and to All the Others)


This post is dedicated to the 199th amazing individual who has deemed my histrionic babbling worthy of followage. Without you, Ackeyands, I would just be a blogger with 198 followers. You have saved me from the awful even-numbered follower, Hamza, who I’m sure is a lovely and beautiful person in his own right, other than the fact that he was unlucky enough to follow my blog when I already had a lovely odd-number of proverbial blog sheep. From the few posts of your that I checked out, Ackeyands, I can tell you and I shall be great friends-or in the least, we shall be entertained by each other’s blogs for many moons to come.

No, no- I am not forgetting those many bloggers who have gotten me to this point. Though they are too numerous in numbers to list in their entirety, I hope they are somewhat sated by the fact that I have, at some point, read a post or two from every single one of their blogs. I noted that the range of personalities and talents of my followers is vast enough to create a very effectibe blogger army, but since I don’t believe in war, I suppose we could be a Blogger Flash Mob instead.

I would like to mention a few of my followers that have made writing for you all even more entertaining, with their comments and with their occassional mention of me in their blogs.

H.E. Ellis, because without her, I would not have a backup future wife, and I would never have read a book written for young adults that was worth reading, as of yet.

Brainrants, because without his first comment, I would have never found the perserverance to continue writing when I first started. Also, I would have never known the drama that comes along with a blogger’s jealous spousal unit.

John, because in his understated way, he is the most faithful of my followers. Though he does not blatantly comment in an overly-amourous manner on any of my posts like some of the others do, his persistant clicking of the like button on the majority of my posts lets me know of his at least intellectual infatuation with me…

Diatribes and Ovations, because he has the decency to pretend I’m as amazing as I want to be.

Page to Screen, because he liked me enough to find me on Facebook.

HR Nightmare, because he has given me the blessing to marry his ex-wife if my Rockstar doesn’t marry me, and because he is the only Vampire I’ve known in real life.

Sandy Like A Beach, because she is like me, but with dancing ability.

Delightfulness, because she was lucky enough to live within driving distance of me, therefore making her my only blogging buddy I have met in real life. Also, she is a great friend who acts as though I fart rainbows and shit butterflies.

Edward Hotspur, because he is the male version of my histrionic schizophrenic self, and his underlying passive-aggressiveness is not lost on me.

To all who have read or will read my blog- if I have made you laugh or cry, made you feel any other emotion, and entertained you even a little, then I have accomplished what I set out to do. Thank you for your intellectual patronage. XOXO

 

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Filed under Books, Entertainment, Friendship, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized

Either Everyone Is On Vacation or I Just Suck


I’ve been noticing for the past month or so a disturbingly significant decrease in views and comments on my blog. I would say that I should not be disappointed, because I continue to aquire followers, except for the fact that I have 179 followers and am hardly getting 30 hits a day, so obviously I am a bad leader and all of my followers and walked off a cliff. As I have not changed in any way, I can only assume that the novelty of me has worn off, and people are tired of reading about my histrionic self. That or most of my readers have taken a permanent vacation and did not invite me. Either way, now I am sad.

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Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized

SPAM Compliments


I was tempted to approve these Spam comments simply for the fact that they are quite complimentary to me  (in a weird fucked-up way). As I am easily flattered by ANY attention whatsoever, I decided to include them in a post instead…

I have bookmarked you , this is excelent information my friends, nicely done : Why thank you, mi amigo! But how did you know there was more than one of us? I try not to let people know about all of us personalities.

Great stuff! Seriously. : Seriously. Thank you.

This is the right blog for anyone who wants to find out about this topic. You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great!: That’s right! You’d better NOT fucking argue with me. HaHa. Because this is my blog, and I’m the boss. Just do what I say and read!

Hey how are you doing? I just wanted to stop by and say that it’s been a pleasure reading your blog. I have bookmarked your website so that I can come back & read more in the future as well. plz do keep up the quality writing: I suppose it depends on when you expected me to answer your question. I’m doing fabulous so far today, but that is only because I haven’t ventured out into the real world yet. Yesterday was a bust. I am pleased that you will continue to make my site stats grow by revisiting my blog. XOXO

Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I wish to put in writing like this moreover ? taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article? but what can I say? I procrastinate alot and in no way seem to get one thing done: In concept, taking time and putting actual effort into an article DOES seem the proper avenue to get a really nice post. (Stealing spam comments to make a post, however, is a quick and lazy way to get a half-assed post.)

It?s arduous to seek out knowledgeable people on this matter, however you sound like you already know what you?re talking about!: I agree it is a long and tiring process finding people who are not complete fucktards. However, I believe you to be one of the knowledgable ones, since you are intelligent enough to  realize I know what I’m talking about…

you’ve an ideal blog right here! would you like to make some invite posts on my weblog? : If it requires little to no effort on my part and  I am greatly rewarded with copious amounts of candy and/or french fries, I will most certainly make some posts on you weblog!

Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn something like this before. So good to seek out someone with some authentic thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for beginning this up. this website is one thing that is needed on the net, someone with slightly originality. helpful job for bringing something new to the internet! : Another highly intelligent individual you are! No I don’t suppose you HAVE learned something like THIS before. I’m told I’m quite amazing and wonderful. Your quite welcome that I have begun this up.

Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thanks Nevertheless I am experiencing challenge with ur rss : I am assuming you are a man, since you have addressed me as “Dude” (yo, man!), but the “oh my goodness” has thrown me. Sadly, I cannot help you with my rss, because I wasn’t aware that I had one of those. (I don’t even know what one is, but I’m quite certain I haven’t any sexually-transmitted diseases.)

This site can be a walk-by for all of the info you wished about this and didn?t know who to ask. Glimpse here, and also you?ll positively uncover it: Yes. Yes. I am the new Wikipedia. I am here for you learning pleasure. (Hmm. I recall saying something similiar to a virgin once.)

Nice post. I learn something tougher on different blogs everyday. It will all the time be stimulating to read content material from different writers and follow slightly something from their store : I’m not exactly sure what it was you learned “tougher” on my blog, but cheerio!

I?m impressed, I need to say. Actually hardly ever do I encounter a blog that?s each educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Your concept is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are talking intelligently about. I’m very completely satisfied that I stumbled throughout this in my search for something relating to this :I am pleased to find that so many people find me educative, as that is not generally a word I would use to describe myself. As far as being satisfied- I NEVER leave anyone with blue balls… (metaphorically OR  literally)

Your charm beads tend to be magical : as does my pussy. 😉

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?: Dude, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about, because I’ve only posted one video on my blog ever. Although, my Rockstar says sometimes that I’m throwing away my intelligence by writing on my blog. Are you him?

Good day. I just needed to actually make a nice brief commentary and inform you know that in fact I’ve been focusing on your personal blogging site for quite some time. Keep up the very excellent work and I’ll be looking back again once more in a little while. : I must be honest when I say that “focusing” is a disturbing word (quite stalkerish, actually) but as long as you don’t come back with lotion saying, “It rubs the lotion on it’s skin; it does this whenever it’s told”, I  lovingly invite you back!

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Life, Uncategorized