Tag Archives: Bosses


You may recall that once upon a time I worked in a bookstore, and was fired for voicing my unedited opinion of my manager on my blog. While I do not regret the reason for my firing, (because my manager WAS a dipshit and now everyone knows it) I do regret the fact that I no longer spend my days amongst beloved (and sometimes donated) books.

I think back to my days in the bookstore fondly (unless I think of the dipshit), and I miss some of the people I was aquainted with because of my place of employment.

One of these individuals was the man in charge of the finances of the bookstore, The Money Guy. He was the original owner of the bookstore, and had started it to have something to do after he retired. The fact that he was setting upon a new venture after retirement always endeared him to me. He was also a baker, and taught baking classes, and a beekeeper. He had passed down the ownership of the bookstore to his son, but was involved in the counting of monies.

He and I had always had long and interesting conversations about bees, and honey, and his teaching days long past. Once I was fired, I never did get to tell him that I admired his Old Man gumption, and I wished him every happiness.

This morning, I set out to finish my Christmas shopping, (and to buy new shoes). I entered the mall and nearly bumped into the Money Guy. He greeted me warmly and held out his hand to shake mine, and I enveloped him in a bear hug. We chatted about the goings on in our lives, and he was not surprised in the least that I have taken over my Pizza Store. I asked him about the bookstore, and how things were fairing, and he shook his head sadly.

“Things have rapidly gone downhill in sales for the past year. If they don’t improve by March we’re going to have to shut down.” Then he looked me straight in the eye, and said, “Sparkle, you sold a TON of books for us. It hasn’t been the same since you left.”

I am saddened that my bookstore may no longer be in existance in the very near future, and I am bewildered that if I were still there, little old me may have been able to do something to prevent that, but in my mind, when he told me this revelation, I couldn’t help thinking, “Damn straight! There are repurcussions when you fire Sparkle!”


Filed under Books, Humor, Life, Uncategorized, Work


I am proud to announce, my Lovelys, that I have a new job!

I also have one tiny huge problem.

A few weeks ago, I ventured into the happiest place on earth. No, not Disneyland, but a place filled with glitter, and paint, and feathers, and everything beautiful- Crafts Direct. For those of you not from frozen Minnesota, think of Hobby Lobby, or Michaels, or Joann Fabrics on steroids. While I am not the craftiest person in the world, (as I am able only to re-sew buttons onto shirts that have popped because of my magnificent busooms) I have dabbled in oil painting (and pissed off the person I did a portrait of), and jewelry making, and in the buying of peacock feathers for various projects. Of course, upon seeing the many signs posted : Now Hiring!, my imagination went wild at the thought of spending my paid days amongst sparkly and seasonal decorations. (and using my employee discount on these very things.) I filled out an application, feeling a bit disheartened as I observed the many other individuals doing the exact thing as I. I left not fully expecting to be called; for what would make the hiring gods of Crafts Direct pick my app out of the many that were surely piled upon their desks?

Needless to say, my Sparkle somehow managed to catch their eye, and I was hired upon my impressive interview.(where I wore everything crafty and bright.) While I truly detest being a pizza slut, I must stay working as one, and I will explain why.

It seems in my short year (or longest year of my life) as a pizza slut, I have become superior at my job. It also happens that there is no one there that is even semi-ready to take my place. There is also one other thing I may have forgotten to mention.

My boss is very pretty.

Let me point out- I love my Rockstar and he is my Beloved. That being said, I am a sucker for a pretty face. I have failed to mention the little fact that my boss is highly attractive because there is a small chance that I could be fired for saying so so blatantly on my blog. However, given my quandry, being fired would solve my dilemma.

You see, because my boss is pretty, and is not an assface, I feel terrible for leaving him without a sufficient replacement for me. Sadly, he knows that I find him to be easy on the eyes, and has surely used this to his advantage by giving me sad dejected puppy eyes when I told him I got a new job. Fuckin’ A.

“Can you not stay until January, so I have time to find a new you?” He pleaded with me. My heart broke.

While I have told him I will stay as full time as I can until he doesn’t need me anymore, (and that he will surely never find another me) I  explained how I have never dreamed of being a Pizza Slut, and am not fulfilling my destiny doing so. Unfortunateley, I suspect he knows of my histrionic personality, and has since assured me of my general awesomeness as a runner of my store. Such excessive attentions have always been my downfall.

I am also concerned that when I do eventually leave, all my employees shall follow me in the quitting.

Ask me why I care so about a job I don’t give a shit about. The only answer I can come up with is, “I have a pretty boss.” Damn me and my attraction to everything beautiful.



Filed under Beauty, Humor, Life, Uncategorized, Work

Pizza Whore

I have officially graduated to the level of Pizza Whore, because last night I just frickin’ bent over and took it up the ass.

No, I didn’t have sex on the make-table (though there IS a legend that that has happened in my store in the past). I just went to work and had the joy of getting the ass-pounding of my life.

Just so you know, my co-manager Awesome is responsible for the term “ass pounding” when it comes to being so busy you are completely buried with no hopes of a respite.

I may have mentioned that at this point I’m not exactly thrilled to go to work every day. The whole manager thing makes this so. I honestly cannot imagine anyone saying, “Oh yes! Please let me go to work and not make tips and yet be completely responsible for all the shit that could go down! Moniter screens going out? I got that handled. After all, I’m making less than the drivers. Running out of dough? I don’t mind, because I get to wear this awesome little name tag that says manager on it!”

Fuck my life.

It is true when They say (whoever They is) that you can’t go back. I’ve tried. In fact, I’ve begged to go back to just being a server, but since there is no one who can do my job as awesomely as I, I am stuck. So the only option is to find a new job. Is anyone out there looking for a slightly-neurotic , highly-intelligent,Triple-DDD’d chic to shovel shit or lick your kitchen counters clean? Anything that is less detestable than managing Pizza Sluts?

The night couldn’t have started any better. After all, my cook was at least decent enough to supply a doctor’s note when he decided to call in. Luckily, I had the new cook there who doesn’t completely suck that begrudgingly stayed, because he didn’t want me to get ass-fucked. As if that would have helped.

You may have noticed when watching commercials that we have this obnoxious Box Dinner Deal going on. If there is anything decent left you people, you will refrain from ordering these until I have found a new job. Simply because I do not think I can handle running out of prepped dough one more time without taking that giant pizza cutter and slashing my throat with it.

After running out of dough because the entire population of St. Cloud, (and some of St. Joe) called to order a Dinner Box, I was highly distraught when we had 15 MORE orders for the Box Deal on my screen and no dough. (We had no dough because every pan had been prepped ahead of time and we went though it all in less than 2 hours.) I called my boss Frenchie only to have him tell me he couldn’t come in because he took pain meds. I believe my exact words were, “fuck this.” I will be very in touch with my emotions when I say- “I was very ANGRY with my boss. I was very ANGRY with him.”

My blood pressure is rising, so I must desist writing about this for now. Just know that I get to do it all over again tonight and I’m not exactly thrilled about it. But calls to the boss’s boss were made.


Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized, Work

The Price of Fame Is…Termination

Yes, my lovely bloggy people, I have just been fired this morning from my dream job, at the bookstore. The reason for this tragedy rests solely on this blog, and the fact that people have no sense of humor.

I got to work this morning to find The Boss, and The Bigger Boss, or the Owner of the store, both there. This was a strange thing to see, as the owner has much more important things to do at his other store that to screw around with us little people at the mall store.

“First of all, ” he began, “tell me about your blog.”

Aww, shit. Now I will readily admit that I have done nothing to hide the fact that I have a blog- in fact, I do believe my witty posts would BRING IN customers if they were to read them, just so they would have a chance to interact with Sparklebumps. I, however, didn’t really want The Boss to know of it, since I have spent some time on the subject of his utter idiocy. I didn’t quite know exactly what it was the Owner was looking for in response, so I decided it wise to remain silent.

“I’m fine with you having a blog, but yesterday I had a handi-capped customer come in and tell me about it, and I’m not going to say that they were freaking out, but yeah, pretty much. They mentioned something about you complaining about customers, and they were very offended because they thought you were speaking about them. Now I don’t know if you were, but i can’t have you work here anymore because there’s a possibility that you and or I could get sued if this continues. It would have been different if it was anonymous, but when you start posting pictures, then it becomes a problem.”

The End.

Well, I didn’t even get  a chance to say “Take this job and shove it.” Piss me off.

I would like to take this chance to thank those who attributed to my termination.

To that handi-capped customer: You know who you are. I do not know which offense it was that so disturbed you, (as I have offended MANY MANY people, I’m sure) and I apologize for any distress I may have caused. Now that that’s done, I will give offense to you ON PURPOSE. Screw you, you selfish bastard- my blog isn’t all about you, it’s about me, and nobody tunes in so they can read about you. So there.

Boss: I know you will be waiting with baited breath to read what I have to say about this whole thing. so here you go- I feel sorry for your hermit-like existance. You have no friends because you lack a personality, and  you feel the need to judge people who have different beliefs than you, even though they are the ones who put up with all your bullshit and are willing to ignore it. Your wife is in-attentive because of this, and you will find out that it’s not going to get any better. Get a frickin’ life.

BrainRants: I loves ya, dude. Thank you for inspiring me to post of picture of myself, which is what probably got me fired. I’m not pissed, because it’s my own dumb fault. Your freshly pressed fame has led to my own fame, which I do not regret.

Owner of my Bookstore: Thank you for the lovely years I was allowed to work in the paradise of books. I hope you realize how many customers you will lose because I’m not there, and how many more employees you will lose because of The Boss and his inability to edit his sexual thoughts. I hope the Soup Girl works out for you- though you will have your hands full.

Tra-la-la. That’s all I have to say about that. My biggest sadness is that I will not get a discount for the $600 worth of books I had stashed away at the store. XOXO


Filed under Books, Humor, Life, Money, Uncategorized, Work

A Tale of the Disenchanted

Once upon a time, there was a curly-haired girl named Sparklebumps who grew up loving fairy tales. Needless to say, this was NOT in any way beneficial to her life. In fact, the opposite proved to be true. The phrases “True Love” and  “Happily Ever After” were so imbedded into her brain that she went through her beginning years actually believing these things could really happen.

The wicked stepmother in her stories was replaced in her reality by a scary ogre of a man she called “Dad”, who worked her night and day until her muscles grew and her report card had all A’s. The occassional beating was issued whenever Sparkle actually let her personality come out, because the man she called “Dad” was trying to turn her into a Stepford Wife, and he didn’t know how else to do it. Sparkle also had a ninny of a mother who was good-hearted, but depended on “Dad” to make all her decisions for her.

When Sparkle switched schools in 4th grade, she fell deeply in love at first sight with a boy who was very smart in her class. They spent the next 5 years trying to out-do each other in the classroom, and became decent friends. Sparkle was always to afraid to let the boy know of her feelings for him, and she never told him; which is something she will always regret. The boy grew up to have a very beautiful perfect family with a very tall blonde wife.

(Skipping ahead to the better part) When Sparkle was 18, she escaped from the prison “Dad” had created for her and got her own apartment. The first night there, Sparkle was terrified to realize she didn’t even know how to write a check out or balance her checkbook. A man she mistook for her knight in shining armour helped her figure all this important life stuff out, and she married the guy.

The Mistaken Knight (or so we shall call him) had parents who owned a restaurant where Sparkle got her first job. She worked there for 12 years, each year growing more and more depressed at the thought of working there for even one more day. When her evil mother-in-law gossipped one too many times, Sparkle exploded and basically said, “Fuck this shit.” She went and found her dream job at a little used bookstore the very next day.

(More skipping) After getting divorced and finding her own personal Rockstar, Sparkle settled into her new life, a little bit wiser than she was, and jaded enough to realize that life isn’t a frickin’ Disney movie. She still found joy in the little things, and in going to her bookstore job every day, until her nemesis, the Boss, started being a fuckin’ cocksucker, and tried telling her how to do stuff, EVEN THOUGH he was never there and didn’t have a clue.

The Boss poses as a Christian, so he flaunts his Biblical knowledge and looks down upon Sparkle for living in sin with her Rockstar, but he is really just so angry because his wife is successful and can’t believe she married such a loser. She  cannot stand the thought of The Boss touching her, which results in his coming to work and complaining about his horniness.

This morning, Sparkle was all ready for a brand new day, excited to actually do some work, and bought a buttload of super-fun erotic novels from a customer. Then the wicked Boss came in and bitched her out because he says “this is a family-friendly store”, even though every single smut book we’ve ever had has sold. He then proceeded to raise Sparkle’s blood pressure by bossing her around until she wanted to stab him in the head with the scissors she was using to make a beautiful sign.

Sparklebumps is trying hard to believe there is a “Happily Ever After.”


Filed under Beauty, Books, God, Humor, Life, Love, Money, Uncategorized, Work

Damn the Man.

Hello, My Lovelys. I’m sorry today shall not be a day of profound writing for me. Today shall be a bitch session, and I’m sure someone will relate.

So my Boss is a royal pain in the ass. To give a little background, he is the brother-in-law of the man who owns my bookstore, and he got hired as the manager here because he was jobless and the owner didn’t want his nephews and nieces to starve. So, in other words, he has no qualifications that make him worthy of working in a bookstore, let alone of being the manager of people. Now, it is not entirely challenging to tell customers where books are, but if a person doesn’t read, I believe they lack a certain something that is beneficial in this area of customer service. My boss believes that if he doesn’t read a certain genre of book, then nobody else is going to read it either. And as he primarily reads books on religion, and pages through books about sexual self-help, you can see where this thinking is slightly absurd. I am at my bookstore EVERY day, and I see what people buy. He is here for a mere fraction of that time. And does it not speak for itself when customers come in when he is here and I am not and they ask, “OH! Where is that cute girl that knows all about books?” Alas, these statements have not yet afforded me a raise, mainly because I almost made my Boss cry last week when I told him to do his fucking job. (That being actually managing people.) To which he replied, “I’m not that kind of manager.” WTF. Oh, I am so angry right now, I have to be done. To anyone who has ever wanted to stab their boss in the head- I salute you.

P.S. One of my awesome customers complimented me on my 5″ satin fuschia stilettos. At least there is one kind soul in this world.


Filed under Books, Fashion, Humor, Life, Money, Uncategorized, Work

Just one of THOSE days…

For the most part, I like to talk about myself way to much, so I decided to start a blog. Well, that, and the fact that I was creeping on the computer history at work and saw that my co-worker started one too! I should say that I aspire to write exciting and beautiful books, so this is kind of like practice. ARRRGH! I’m trying talk about myself here and these SO VERY annoying customers keep bothering me with inane questions! Customers, you say? Yes, I am one of the “uneducated” people who must work retail because I chose not to spend $50,000 to learn. Kudos to all you college students BTW! I just didn’t want to spend a bunch of money and then find myself in debt with no job for what I went to school for. Anyway! I found myself an awesome job in a used bookstore where the books are abundant and the work is minimal. Don’t get me wrong- there is plenty to do here; it just seems that the others who work here don’t want to do it. And so, I made a decision that if the boss doesn’t care, I don’t either. Except I do. Because I love books and they need to be given respect, and nobody is going to want to buy them if they are scattered everywhere! 😡 Ok, I shall not be too bitter. I get to be around books all day and see interesting customers, which I shall be sure to tell you about! But I have been described as having histrionic personality disorder, and the customers are pissin’ me right off right now! This woman with a face resembling the Elephant Man’s keeps asking me for books that she saw when she walked in that she cannot find now. I believe her vision is impaired due to the giant ridges that have caused her eyes to be at different levels. I sound very rude for my first blog; I promise you that I don’t really mean it! This has been a sort of “Fuck you” day- mainly because my boss is a giant weenie that has to be on a power trip at work because his wife is the Boss of him at home. Which turns out very badly for me, since I am the only employee that has to see his stupid face every day! More on that later. I am happy to say that there remains only an hour and a half of work left for me, before I get to go home and see my rockstar! YAY! I call him my rockstar because he is the only boy I know personally who can actually play guitar, and I intend to make us both rockstars someday. I suppose I cannot describe him as a boy, as he is really a 40 yr old man, but I make him younger. And he CAN drink me under the table, so he’s still got it. As they say- rockstars are all about sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll- we love rocknroll, he did a stripper on drugs once, so what is left? Now you see why I am excited to go home! Until then, I suppose I could work for a minute. Til tomorrow then! XOXO
P.S. I know that was entirely too long to be a blog, but I was just letting you all know what’s up. Also, occasionally I will be describing what I’m wearing- ok, not in the creepy cyber-sexy way that sounded! Only because clothes make me excited! So today I am wearing black leggings with a black ruffly skirt, a red shirt with a short-sleeved black satin blazer and red satin heels with black patent leather piping. Yay for shoes!


Filed under Books, Fashion, Humor, Life, Love, Poetry, Uncategorized, Work