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Timothy Olyphant- The Man of Confusion

As I haven’t been able to post since Friday, I have several posts in my head to write today, but I suppose I should do something useful today too, so one at a time. My first shall be about the man who has beget mass confusion on my brain. No I’m not speaking of my rockstar, but he does that at times too. No no. The man is Timothy Olyphant.

Who, you say?

This man:

While you may not recognize his name (who in a drunken state my Rockstar calls the Elephant Guy) you may recognize his face.

I first became familiar with this actor when I watched to movie Catch and Release and was completely appalled when Jennifer Garner fell for this asshole man with the disgusting face. (My mother agrees with me that he was quite horrendous in this movie)

I knew not his name at the time, but his less-than-beautiful face was ingrained into my brain.

Then came along Deadwood.

When I first started visiting my Rockstar on occassion (see also: fucking his brains out regularly) I found that in his movie collection, he had all three seasons of the HBO show Deadwood. He insisted we watch them since I had never done so. While the dialogue is screen-writing after my own heart, (“Fuck”, “cocksucker” and “pussy” being the three main words uttered throughout every episode) I was disturbed to have to face Mr. Olyphant’s face once more. Worse still, not  being of flamboyant or disgusting personality, he was instead almost robotic- and he never blinked. Even odder, his character ended up lusting after a married woman, but it was only after several episodes of me screaming at the T.V.- “Fuck that nasty bitch already! I wanna see some boobies!” that he finally had his way with her; afterwards, I was even more appalled to see that his demeanor hadn’t changed in the least. He was still unblinking and cold as the Terminator. (I informed my Rockstar that this was because it must not have been a good lay.)

Soon after, my Rockstar found the movie The Crazies on Netflix and was excited to see that The Elephant Guy made an appearance. (My Rockstar seems to like Timothy for some odd reason. I suppose when I think about it, it’s probably because neither one of them seems capable of declaring love for a woman in so many words) I was surprised to see that Mr. Olyphant had, at least a tiny bit, acquired human-like qualities since Deadwood. I assumed it was because running from Zombies is quite emotional.

Then came Justified.

Another show we found on Netflix, my Rockstar insisted we watch it because the main character is “That Elephant Guy.” This is where the confusion sets in.

In this series, I find him to be utterly irresistable.

Despite the Southern accent (which I cannot stand) and the fact that he has never appealed to me even minutely because of his many characters lacking a soul (or a personality) after watching Justified, I would most certainly ravage Timothy Olyphant if he was lying naked on my bed.

Go figure.

(For the record, I still find his face appalling.)



Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Life, Uncategorized