I don’t know if it is a normal habit of people unsatisfied in their current careers, but I spend a shameful amount of time looking at the job ads on Craigslist. I generally look under the restaurant listings, as I am more likely to make the most dollars flashing my smile while catering to people stuffing their faces. However, during my perusal of Craigslist, I’ve sent my resume to a bank, a law firm, a nanny agency, and a plethora of other odd jobs. I’ve even considered applying at the Fantasy French Maids agency I discovered is in my town, but I wouldn’t want to put all the other French maids out of business, so I refrained.
I’ve found in my scrolling of hopeful jobs, that I seem to gravitate to the housekeeper type positions. Perhaps it is my unintentional goal to become Mrs. Doubtfire, or maybe I just don’t want to deal with the pain of having to work constantly with fucktards. Either way, I began imagining myself as some wealthy person’s maid, and I was not at all repulsed by the idea.
How fuckin’ weird am I? Most people dream of having a mansion on a hill with a yacht parked in the marina that they can drive to in their Porshe. I’d be content cleaning that fucking huge-ass house for $15- $20 dollars an hour. At least until I finish writing my bestseller and get my own castle. I wouldn’t even mind wearing a frilly, bust-enhancing maid’s costume while I did so.
Is this what I aspire to? Picking up after some arrogant CEO and his children who are being raised by a nanny? Yay me. (Sense the hint of sarcasm.)
Well, after the whole fiasco with my Rockstar last week about the “shitty jobs” I demean myself for, I am happy to report that I now possibly have options.
While I was still contemplating kicking his butt-headed ass to the curb, (technically I would have to be the one to leave) I perused Craigslist for any jobs that looked “worthy” of his praise. I ended up applying online for several, and am happy to report that I actually heard back from a few of them. Now, I was watching the news yesterday, and there seems to be a Craigslist killer out there somewhere. They have apprehended some suspects, but my Rockstar had better hope that his judgemental attitude doesn’t get me raped and chopped up into little pieces.
Anyhoo, when I was at work this weekend, my boss Frenchie and I had a discussion. It seems that we have less than stellar cooks employed with us, and I suggested that he fire their asses and hire me as a cook. Cooking is certainly not my final goal in life (I am still trying to figure out what that final goal would be) but if it will keep Frenchie from hiring some dumb asstard who can’t learn how to decorate a pizza, so be it. We then discussed the possibility of my becoming a manager, and Frenchie stated, “This is an excellent idea. I don’t know why I never thought of it before.” I know why. Because he was busy looking at my ass. 🙂
So, I begin training to cook this week, and I shall prove how completely adept I am. Then we’ shall see what happens from there. Then, when I am making millions and living on my yacht, I can look at my Rockstar and say, “See? You just had to have a little faith in me,”
This is an elaboration on a note I posted on Facebook awhile ago that I’m sure nobody read. So now YOU get to! 🙂
So, for those of you who find yourselves broke and sitting at home with nothing to do, my Rockstar and I have come up with an hilarious way to pass the time. My Rockstar is always looking on Craigslist for good deals, and one night I just happened to read one of the ads he was looking at out loud. Now this in itself does not sound overly titillating, HOWEVER, when you consider the fact that most of the people who sell things on Craigslist apparently had a rough time of it in spelling class, you will begin to understand. I followed the rule ” if you don’t know how to read something, sound it out”, and ended up laughing my ass off, as did my guy. Throwing in a little “Fargo” accent or a southern accent for good measure only authenticates the silliness of those selling their wares on Craigslist.
Going with a theory I have gained from a past life, that of believing those who buy Polaris and Chevy are not always of high intellect, I clicked on those ads first, which only confirmed my theory. It seems for the most part that those selling ATVs and other assorted expensive toys are the ads to look for if you are going to try this out. If you happen to have a few dollars to buy alcohol, this is a good thing. While one does not need to be inibriated to read a mis-spelled Craigslist ad out loud to find joy, a buzz definitely makes the experience all the more entertaining.
Perhaps we are easily amused, but seriously, if you have a few minutes to browse Craigslist, I think you will not be disappointed. Remember, reading the ads OUT LOUD is the key! Good times and many hours of free laughing to you all!
P.S. Thank you, all my Lovelys who have made me slightly famous (in my own mind). I consider it a trifling achievement that I have received 1018 views to my blog. XOXO
P.P.S. I went to a wedding this weekend, and my fabulous $6 polka-dotted dress and red satin heels were a hit!