Tag Archives: definitions

Besmirch or Be Besmirched

I just got done typing up my version of The Red Shoes for H.E. Ellis, and was trying to think of something to post, when this word popped into my head: besmirch.

I said the word aloud in my head a few times- be-smirch be-smirch be-smirch- then said it in a quick and trolloping staccato- besmirchbesmirchbesmirch– before pulling it apart like taffy with the tendons of my brain- beeeeeeeeeeeee-sssssmmmmmmmmiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrch. I’ve decided this word is simply wondrous.

I must admit, I wasn’t exactly positive of the definition of said word, but I knew whatever it was, it wasn’t necessarily a good thing. So I looked it up.

Besmirch: to sully or soil.

Huh. Makes perfect sense why this word would be floating around in the rotten cess pool that is my mind. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I am possessing of a dirty mind.

So, in order to besmirch your minds, I’m going to use this fabulous  word in some sentences.

I plan on besmirching my clothes when I go to work tomorrow, because my boobs most certainly get in the way to be besmirched by pizza sauce on a regular basis.

My Rockstar does NOT besmirch his undies with skid marks, because he is a clean and unbesmirched man, whose ass smells like flowers and dryer sheets.

My besmirched mind is full of enough imagination to besmirch YOUR minds just a little bit without you even knowing it.

I admit, my Rockstar and I besmirched the sheets a little last night. (Heh-heh)

Besmirch my newly cleaned yellow truck, and I will besmirch the pavement with your brains.

I urge you all to use besmirch in  a sentence in the next few days. I guarantee you will be smiling after.




Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized

A Retard Response

It has been brought to my attention that I am offensive.

I must tell you, if anyone bothered to ask, I would gleefully admit fault at this accusation.

However, I am sad I’ve lost a reader over it.

(Mainly because every reader I DON’T have keeps me that much further from taking over the world.)

Our little story begins with a post I wrote in which I used the word “retarded”.

I agree that this word is highly offensive; after all, no one exactly goes around wishing someone would accuse them of retardedness. That being said, I wish to set things in the right.

A reader left a comment stating that the use of the word “retard” should never happen to beget laughs or guffaws. Therein lies the problem.

Firstly, if I happen to be funny in my posts, it is not intentional. True, I may on occasion publish something filled with wit, but I myself do not find myself overly amusing. (Unless I stand in front of the mirror naked and stick my belly out while juggling my excessive busooms.) So really, if I used the word “retard”, it was because I meant it as it is meant to be used, and not to accrue readers looking for laughs.

After my back and forth comments with said reader, I began to wonder if maybe I was in the wrong. (Briefly, mind you, as people of genius are rarely ever mistaken.) I made a point to come home and consult my Webster’s Encyclopedic Dictionary, my American Heritage Dictionary, and my handy dandy online Dictionary, only to discover that I did, in fact, use the word “retard” in the correct and un-offensive manner.

From Webster:

Retard: To obstruct in swiftness of course, to keep delaying, to impede; to hinder

From America’s Heritage:

Retard: To cause to move or proceed slowly, to be delayed.

From the world wide web dictionary:

Retard: A person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.

So there you have it. I believe my exact words were “I went to the non-retarded looking check out person”. Because I wanted to swiftly and without hinderance be out of the grocery store. Whether you look at definition 1, 2, or 3, I in no way used the word “retard” in reference in a derogatory way toward or about someone who may or may not be mentally handicapped, which is what my dear reader was so upset about. I simply wanted to be checked out by someone who was not stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in getting me the hell out of the grocery store.

I understand why someone with a mentally handicapped relative or friend may take offense at the term, but I have never used such a word in malice or hatred. If anyone would bother to delve a little deeper into past posts that I have written, they will notice that I am without judgment or prejudice toward anyone of different race, gender, creed, what have you. If anything, I take offense that anyone would dare suggest I used the word “retard” loosely or in a derogatory way, because I do on occasion read the dictionary to find out the proper and real definitions of words. I do not apologize for the things that I’ve written, but am only sorry some people have sticks up their asses and need to blow shit out of proportion.

P.S. If I would have meant it in a derogatory fashion, I woulda said, “Aright, Rain Man, get your fuckin’ retarded ass in gear.” But that is something I would never say. And really,  if you care to admit it or not, everyone is a little retarded in some way. After all, I am completely obtuse when it come to mathematics.

P.P.S And really, I find myself to be much more offensive in nearly every other post I’ve ever written. Do you not agree?



Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized