Tag Archives: demons

Baby Mine


I wrote this for a flash fiction contest. The writing prompt was to write about a demon who is really bad at their job and keeps making the life of the person he is possessing better. I can’t get it to publish on the website, so I guess you guys get to read it…

I know it’s against the rules to possess a baby, but come on. It was just too easy.
Felix Bartholomew Embry was born at 3:01 A.M. That was how he caught my attention in the first place. Any baby born just in time for the witching hour has a special pull for all of us demonic spirits. There were several of us in the hospital that night, but I was the first one to hear his borning cry.
“Ahh,” I thought to myself. “A pure soul ripe for the picking.” If I could feel anything remotely delightful, little Felix’s squalling would have filled me with a thrill to the tips of my toes, if I had toes. Instead, I had to be satisfied with a nefarious sensation as I made my way to the birthing suite.
As I entered, I took in the scene. Squalling babe resting not so silently on mother’s magnificent chest, proud father beaming down at them. I’ve never been fond of newborns; my newest conquest being no exception. In fact, for a moment, I wondered if some other insidious spirit had already beaten me there. Felix was a disturbing shade of violet, and his toothless mouth looked much wider than is comforting for a baby’s to look. I should have left right then.
“He’s so beautiful.” I would have laughed when his mother said so, but demons cannot laugh without a voice to use. I took one more look before attempting to enter Felix’s flailing body, and then I made my move.
I felt his limbs stiffen momentarily as I slipped in, but as I was not completely immersed, I couldn’t see what was happening. For a split second, I saw the hospital lights above burning down like brimstone from Heaven when his eyes rolled back in his head, but then I was stuck, and saw nothing. I shook myself, and felt the mother’s grip on him tighten when I did so. Ah. There. I settled in. I reached deep within myself and found my darkest, most terrifying voice. I couldn’t wait to see the parents reactions when they heard the voice of Beelzebub come out of their “beautiful” spawn.
“Hello, mama.” What the fuck?! I tried again.
“Daddy!”
Their faces reflected the shock that I was feeling. Not only were my words not coming out how I was saying them, but they were emitted in the most angelic child-like voice ever heard. I growled, and it came out in an adorable infantile giggle.
“Did you hear it?” The father looked in awe at his wife, and then his son, and back again. I tried to look around, but this gelatinous baby body I was in refused to obey.
This was a bad idea. A very bad idea.

Basically, no matter what I do, it comes out making little Felix look like an infant prodigy, and I’m stuck in here living a real-life version of Charlotte’s Web. Fuckin’ A.

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Filed under Children, fiction, Humor, Life, short story, Uncategorized

The One Scary Thing In Life


I’d like to quote Maya Angelou and say, “Life doesn’t frighten me, no not at all.”

That would not be a lie.

While I find life to be exhausting at times, and often think that death would be quite romantic, (I never understood how death could frighten people) there’s really nothing to fear from life.

Well, I mean besides for answering phones, and venturing into unfamiliar businesses, and telling your Rockstar to his face exactly how you’re feeling. But nevermind about that.

I do not fear heights, or water, (even though I cannot swim) or snakes, (I wish to have a managerie of them one day) or spiders. (OK, that may be a bit of a fib.) I do notĀ fall into hysterics when I glimpse a clown, and I quite enjoy rollercoasters. Since I moonlight as a superhero, I don’t even have a fear of flying. All of these are the most common of phobias, yet I face this list and simply say, “Pshaw”. (Which means oh, shit)

Perhaps it is the overly-zealous religious upbringing I had, and I’m sure all you Athiests will burst into incredulous guffaws, but demons scare the livin’ bejesus outta me.

You would think this would keep me from watching every exorcism-based movie that comes out.

(Pun intended) Hell, no.

IT is BECAUSE of my religious background that these movies enthrall me so. I also find it quite interesting that only Catholic people seem to get possessed.

I’ve just gotten done freaking myself out by watching The Devil Inside, a Blair Witch-like faux-cumentary. I must say that despite critic reviews, I found it to be pleasingly terrifying. I’m sorry, but who does NOT get chills by listening to the multi-languaged ramblings of pluralized demon voices coming from an unexpected female body? While true exorcisms are not allowed to be filmed, and I really have no intention or desire to witness one, it is easy to believe that such horrific happenings occur. (For me, anyway. You athiests may be less trusting.) Perhaps it is my childlike faith, (or my foolish gullibility) that makes me believe so.

According to what I have been taught, no demon’s gonna get me, ’cause I believe in God.

I wonder why that doesn’t work for the Catholics?

Yes, I realize that being robbed at knifepoint or threatened with an armed weapon could be just as terrifying as speaking in tongues while writhing around in unnatural positions. But believe me when I say that there is still a possibility of kicking a thug in the balls while he’s trying to rape you. What’r’ya gonna do to the Devil’s assistant when he’s IN you? Feed him?

You all probably think I’m nuts.

But let me point out something.

Just because you don’t believe in the demons, doesn’t make them not real.

And when you get possessed by Azazael or Beelzebub or some other ancient spirit named Legion, don’t be pissed when I told you so.

JustĀ please don’t pass them on to me.

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Filed under Entertainment, God, Humor, Life, Religion, Uncategorized