Tag Archives: dictionary

Words You Shouldn’t Say (Around Me)

It seems that I am feeling inspired today, and have enough time and energy to actually write a post or two. (Whether said posts are worthy of attention is yet to be answered.) As I was looking through my American Dictionary of the English Language, (Yes, ok? I like to look through my dictionary. It makes me feel clever) I began ruminating in my head over the words that truly disgust and disturb me. I am safe in saying that I am not the only person who is appalled by tokens of the English language, as some of the very words that offend me make some aquaintances too feel the need to whip out their Air-sickness bags. Here are just a few off of the top of my head:

Slice- This word automattically makes a chill run down my back every time it’s spoken, and not in a good way. I’m not certain, but I think the excessive “sssss” syllables has something to do with it. No, I do not “slice” my meat, nor would I ever say that I “sliced” my finger open in a freak accident, because it sounds as though there would be no finger left if I did. “Slicing” is reserved for serial killers who dismember their victims. It is also very disturbing when every person I ask to refrain from using this word around me proceeds to say, “Slice! Slice! Slice!” in a homicidal sing-song voice.

Moist- Ugh. Just typing this word makes the bile rise in my throat. While most persons would want to enjoy a “moist” piece of meat with their dinner, the very thought of such is enough to put me off ANY kind of dinner for the time being. I am also greatly offended when the female crotchal area is referred to as being “moist”. People, let this disgusting word roll off of your tongue once or twice and you will begin to see how abhorrent it is.

Cum- This one may surprise you all, given my affinity for all things sexual. Let me point out, it is not necessarily the word that so great displeases me, but rather the spelling as referred to above. If a man were to tell me he was “going to come in my face”, I would gladly lift my facial orb to the ensuing Man Shower. But if he were to state that he was “going to cum”, I would grab his junk and squeeze with all my might while yelling at him to “SAY IT RIGHT!!!!!!” Perhaps it is the scholar in me that is so disgruntled by the incorrect spelling of a word, or perhaps I just find it crass that an orgasm has it’s own spelling. Either way, if I see you spelling it wrong, there will be blood.


Filed under Books, Humor, Life, Sex, Uncategorized

A Monday in Heaven

Don’t worry, my Lovelys. I have hog-tied and gagged Scary Sparklebumps who posted the angry rant yesterday. She has been appeased with copious amounts of french fries and books, and shall not (it is hoped) rear her ugly head for a good while.

I may have mentioned I sort of inherited a bunch of books recently. My Rockstar’s sister-in-law’s mother passed away, and as the Sister-in-Law was packing up her mother’s house, she thought, “Hey! Sparklebumps likes books. Maybe she will want these.” Ummm… yeah. Just maybe..

Kidding! All of you should know by now that there was no damn maybe about it! I was completely thrilled with the prospect of receiving books, even though when my Rockstar asked his brother what kind of books they were, the response was, “I don’t know. I don’t read.” Blasphemy!

What I was NOT expecting was a delivery of the books on Saturday morning, and one whole wall of the garage we rent being stacked higher than I could reach with boxes and bins of beautiful books. I have always prided myself on having a slightly extensive library; I now have more books that the actual public library. Sadly, I had to go work for 12 hours on Saturday before even opening one box, so the entire day was spent in a disastrously distracted state. (which may explain my angry rant from yesterday.)

After finally arriving home yesterday from church, I got to begin the wonderous process of going through the books. I have been informed that I may sell whatever it is that I don’t want, so there is really no going wrong here. After every box I opened, I realized that this woman who died was so exactly like me it’s not even funny. Except for her strange obsession with cat books (those will have to be sold), and a few boxes of religious books (I kept SOME of those- after all, I’m not a COMPLETE heathen), she had the exact taste in books as I.

My Rockstar cannot understand why adults buy children’s books. To this question I have no answer except, “Unless you are a book person, you cannot understand.” There were many many boxes of children’s books, many of which were books I had stashed away at my bookstore before I got fired. I guess this is God’s way of making it up to me.

There were a multitude of biographies, (because I like to read about people’s lives) and  religious fiction books, (because I used to be a good church girl) and books with photography, (because I love beautiful things), and cookbooks, (Because I like to eat). I even found a package of beautiful napkins with gerbera daisies pictured on them. (I have a thing for daisies.)

I have just now this moment finished going through all of the boxes. I now have the awesome job of sorting into categories, alphepetizing, and shelving said books. (While trying to make room.) It shall be a glorious day!

Of all the books I have received, here are my favorites: an exquisite encyclopedia of Audrey Hepburn (she is my other idol, because she is just wonderful) complete with faux letters written to and from her; a complete set of The Chronicles of Narnia WITH color pictures (which I had slowly been stashing away at the bookstore and never boughten); an American Heritage dictionary, (because the only dictionary I had before is 100 years old, literally) and two thesauruses (because words are my favorite.)

P.S. I have been informed that I need to open my own used bookstore. I shall name it The Book Whore…


Filed under Books, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized