Tag Archives: Facebook

A Guy Thing To Do


Thank you, everyone who read my blog yesterday, it was my biggest day yet! In the grand scheme of things, I shall always remember you when I am famous. XOXO

I have always appreciated beauty. And women are way more fun to look at than men, which is the only explaination I have for the following story. You may find it creepy anyway.

There is a gorgeous young woman who comes into my bookstore to sell books occasionally. She is just this tiny petite thing with perfect hair, a perfect smile, and a perfect baby that always has a perfect flowery headband on. When she sells books, she has to sign her name on our little sheet thing, and being the little-bit creepy person that I am, I decided to look her up on facebook. Now, this was not with the intention of finding out where she lives, or finding out what she did last Friday night. My sole purpose was to appreciate any very nice pictures that she had on her profile. And in my defense, if she really DIDN’T want anyone looking at her, she woulda put her profile on private. So there. Anyway, the other night when I was drinking, I confessed to my Rockstar this semi-creepy thing that I did, and showed him her pics so he could appreciate her too. He said, “That was totally a guy thing to do.”

I agree. No normal woman I know would ever look up a girl she didn’t know on facebook just to ogle her pics. But then, when have I ever claimed to be normal? This got me to thinking of the other non-feminine qualities I possess.

I suppose the first thing that came to mind is sex. Yes, there are many women out there that are just as horny as men. But They DO say that when women have sex with a man, there is a chemical in their body that wants more with that man, or something to that effect. I haven’t that chemical. Basically, I’m up for a little bit of cuddling after the big finish, but as far as one-night stands go, I don’t want to see the dude again. Ever. Thank you, goodbye. I found out this is not a normal reaction for a woman to have when my Rockstar was reading Nikki Sixx’s Heroin Diaries. He brought up a story about Nikki and Tommy doing some girls backstage, and he wondered, “I don’t understand how guys can just meet a girl and 30 seconds later be doing them. For me, it’s easier to get turned on when you get to know her first.” I know. You guys are thinking, Awww, that’s sweet. It IS sweet. But I blurted out, “I don’t know. I guess if somebody wants to fuck me that’s kind of a turn on in itself.” To which he replied, “Yeah, you’re kinda like a dude that way.” Hmm.

That brings me to porn. Porn is super-fun, and lots of girls like it. But for the most part I think girls like the nice fluffy soft porn. I like the gritty pie-in-your-eye porn where the chic is getting reamed in the butt. Although, I guess really I prefer to watch girl-on-girl vids. Also very guy-like.

The next thing I thought of was food. I love to eat. A LOT.  I have never been one of those girls who is watching her figure and will forego yumminess. Bring on the chocolate cake! This quality I have used to make my ex-hubby cringe, as he was 270 lbs, yet I somehow managed to out-eat him anytime we went out. I don’t know if I have worms or what, or maybe I’m just REALLY hungry. Anyhoo, now when I go out to eat with my Rockstar and his Daughter, he knows he can just shove their plates over to me when they are done. What’s  a doggie bag again? So now you are probably thinking, “Damn this bitch must have a fat ass!” I admit I am no skinny-minnie, and I should prolly exercise sometime, but I am proud to say I’m a size 11 and 175 lbs. And you must remember that at least 20 lbs of that is in my bra. Moving on.

Fast cars. (and big trucks) Mainly Mustangs. I honestly think they are the hottest thing there is. I drive through the Ford dealer quite frequently just to get a look at the sexy things. And when I see one at a stoplight, I kick it down just so I can listen to their engine roar. And if I had $60,000, I would have to choose whether I would buy a Shelby Mustang or a beautiful Ford F-350. That is a decision that would be very hard to make. I hear men buy big trucks to compensate for smaller things. I just want one so I can run people over without feeling the thump.

Very closely related: blow-shit-up movies. And action movies in general. I really do like romantic movies. For example, The Princess Bride is my absolute favorite movie of all time. (As you wish!) But a close second is Independence Day. Any movie that involves blowing up aliens is alright by me. And I really liked the Spiderman movies, except for the long drawn-out  love story that they included. And all you girls will hate me for this, but The Notebook was the most obnoxious and nauseating 2 hours I ever wasted. Oh, any time they show boobies in a movie is a plus.

Well, that pretty much sums up my mannish qualities. I have been described as “princess-like”- as in being in need of rescuing, but I can change a tire and drive a stick shift, and my Rockstar was the only one who helped me carry my piano up a flight of stairs. I still love sparkles and ruffly things, but maybe my Man qualities just make it easier for me to be “one of the boys.” And just to prove that I really am a woman, I do not in any way find farting amusing. XOXO

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Let Love in.


If anybody was to ask me “What is the most important Thing in life?”, I would without a moment’s hesitation blurt out ,”LOVE!” Now, hold on, I know what you’re thinking. What an unoriginal,simple-minded, idealistic response, right? I agree with you. But think about it. Did the Beatles sing, “All You Need is Money”? I think not. Did Romeo spout to Juliet,”The more poetry I give to thee,the more I have”? Nope. After they had their romp in the back of that Model T, did Rose say to Jack, “Thanks, dude. That was a great fuck. Do you have a cigarette?” No. She said, “I love you, Jack.” (I personally think the first quote would have been MUCH more interesting.) My point is- yes, it is completely unreasonable to say that Love is all there is, but that’s the thing about Love. It’s not about being practical,it makes you do things you never thought you would- good AND bad-, and you can’t choose it.
La dee da. Now that I have done some great writing, (wink, wink)I will proceed into the detail of my very own fucked-up love life. A week after my 16th birthday, I was hired as a waitress at a mom-n-pop restaurant, where the Son of mom-n-pop proceeded to fall in love with me. I admit,at first I was skeptical, as he was 7 years my senior and my Jesus-obsessed father had drilled into my head that boys only want one thing. Two years later,I started dating The Son. I had promised myself I wouldn’t have sex with him at least until he said he loved me, which he did about 3 months into the relationship. We ended up not having sex until I was 21. When I was 24, I decided I wanted to be married, so we got hitched. I believe, looking back now, the main reason I wanted to get married was to keep my religious parents from cringing at me every time they saw me when they thought of The Son and I living in sin together. Don’t get me wrong. I did love him and I always will.
During the next 2 years, we proceeded into married life like a good couple. We got our first house, my husband had back surgery, and the number of times we had sex in a year diminished to 5 or so. This is where the fucked-up part comes in.
Now, The Son’s brother had had a friend who we would hang out with occasionally (we will call him the Redhead).In the back of my mind, there had always been something about the Redhead that was electrifying, and he was truly nice, that being the reason I (being a good friend)set him up with my bestie, which ended up with her screaming at me drunkenly after I had had a passionate makeout session with him (also drunken). Anyhoo, after that Me and Bestie made up and the Redhead was never heard from again.
Back to the marriage. After 2 yrs of marriage and 9 months without sex or feeling wanted, you can imagine the horniness that had come over me. At the time, I was just learning the mechanics of Facebook, and to my surprise, there was a friendship request from the Redhead! Well, hello there! We began chatting one night when I was left home alone (which happened ALOT) and had a nice conversation about love and sex. Sex is not love, and at the time, the phrase “making love” confounded me. I mentioned the lackage of boomboom going on in my life and that passionate makeout session came to my mind, making me wonder what MORE than that would be like. He became my Fuck Buddy, which worked out very well for both of us, since I was married and he was too lazy to go get a girlfriend. Now you may be thinking, “what a cheating whore,” but the love I had for my husband was pure and everything was right with us except the sex.(or lack thereof.)So don’t judge me. After a few months of messin’ around, I decided it was shitty of me to do that to my husband, so I left him. I realized that I wasn’t happy with him, OR myself with him, and nothing was ever going to change.My hubby really and truly loved me because after he found out about the cheating, he still wanted me to come home. I didn’t choose sex over love. My Redheaded Fuck Buddy gave me a place to stay while I looked for a new home, and I realized I really truly liked him. He was willing to remain my Fuck Buddy and let me galavant around with whomever I chose, but I was never really into one-night stands. We became official when he sent me a text: “I want you to only cling to me.” And that is how I got my Rockstar. Things aren’t perfect and sometimes Love is fucked up, but I do not regret the things I have done, and I will always do whatever I do for Love.

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Filed under Life, Love, Uncategorized