Tag Archives: fashion

A Conversation Between Cool People


So I met up with my Rockstar and his Daughter at the mall yesterday after a bizarrely weird day at work. As my Rockstar checked out the quality of the latest athletic shoes, the Daughter and I were sitting patiently in the try-on chairs provided, when I noticed a delightfully polka-dotted skirt she was wearing that I had never seen before. This was how the following conversation went…

Me: What a super-cute skirt you have on there!

Her: Yeah, I love it. My Mom says I’m starting to dress like you.

(Pause)

Me: Is that a good thing?

Her: She doesn’t think so.

(Another pause as I make a face in my head and think, “Well, la dee da.”)

Me: Oh? Why not?

Her: Well, before you were around, I used to wear jeans and normal stuff. She thinks I should wear that kind of stuff all the time and not cute fancy stuff like I want to wear. But I think I should be able to wear whatever I want, don’t you?

Me: Absolutely. After all, who wants to wear normal boring stuff?

Her: Not you and me, because we are so much cooler than normal people.

And here I thought I was having no influence on the kid….

 

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Filed under Beauty, Children, Family, Fashion, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

For the Love of Shoes


There are many many kinds of shoes.

There are shoes that are black.

There are shoes that are bright.

There are shoes for the daytime,

and shoes for the night.

There are sandals for summer,

There are boots for the fall.

There are shoes that wear fat feet,

and some that wear small.

Tall shoes, flat shoes, sneakers, Mary Janes,

There are even special shoes for people with canes.

There are shoes for the farm,

and shoes for the city.

Some that are ugly,

but most shoes are pretty.

Shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes,

All the wonderful shoes!

All shoes are good shoes,

whichever you choose!

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VSFS Day!!!!


EIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Are you ready to party?! It’s the most sparkley night of the year; another Sparkle Holiday- tonite they air the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show!

Now for obvious reasons, (sparkles, underwear, boobies, and women,) there is really no reason why anyone should NOT watch this wonderful little gem. This is my favorite holiday, and I’ve been waiting all year just so I can see the most beauteous women prance around in their underwear and angel wings. I have made it a tradition to ask for the night off from work and get dolled up in my most adorable underclothes, (I say adorable because I can’t pull off sexy) and to watch the wonderful creations that float down the runway toward me on my 42″ high-definition TV.  

Now, from what I can tell, most men are not allowed by their wives and girlfriends to witness this little exhibition. I feel sad for these men, simply because the show is about everything beautiful and fabulous; I do not think it is the intent of Victoria’s Secret to make the insecure housewives of the world jealous in any way. To those women I say- if you are so insecure about your men watching beautiful women in their undies, why don’t YOU get dolled up and strut around in yours? I’m quite certain if your husband married you, he would not mind this at all. Show him that you can be just as sexy as those women! (I have a little secret for you. Those women ARE very beautiful, but even they don’t look like that in real life.)

Last year on this holiday, my Rockstar wanted to see what all my excitement was about. He actually got only 10 minutes into the show before he blurted out, “All of these women are WAAAY too skinny. If they put their legs together, you’d still be able to fit a fist in between their thighs.” (I thought his wording was a bit crass.) Yes, I admit, the models really are too skinny, but can you blame them? They are walking around in their panties for the entire world to see. I wouldn’t want my lovehandles recorded on film for all posterity either. I was surprised to find myself watching the rest of the show by myself. My Rockstar loves to talk and look at beautiful women, so I really thought he’d be thrilled to watch. C’est la vie.

I am a bit turned off by their choice of musical artists for these events. Instead of Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj, I think it would be awesome for them to have Black Stone Cherry singing Blame It on the Boom Boom, and Motley Crue performing Hell on High Heels. But that’s just me.

I suppose it would be a little bit excessive to make bra-shaped cookies for the occassion? I really think that once I have my castle, I’m going to have to host an annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Party. And you will only be allowed in if you come in your skivvies. XOXO

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The Woes of Underpants


Underwear just piss me right off.

To little 15 yr olds: I don’t need to see the ENTIRE string of your v-string under your lowrise jeans. I realize you wish to convey to horny teen boys that you are quite ready to give up your virginity to them (or at least are the kind of girl that will do anything BUT), but there are other ways to let these lucky lucky boys know- like sexting them.

To fat ladies: panty lines under stretchy pants- not good. I understand that any v-string or thong you women would wear in an attempt to fix this disaster would be lost in the folds of excess skin that has settled around your waste, and so, to prevent my eyes from being assaulted by the outline of your granny panties, please cease to wear stretchy pants until further notified of a more favorable solution.

As far as wearing underwear: Thongs- yes, please give me something with which to floss any stray fecal matter from my crack. Bikinis – yes, I realize I have a stellar physique, unfortuneately it does not come complete with hips to hold up bikini undies. And everything else-gets bunchy under my faux leather leggings.

Buying underwear: to Victorias Secret- seriously?! $18 for a piece of string and a triangle of cotton? (Sadly, I fell for this terrible ploy and ended up owing Victoria MANY dollars before I realized I would not look like a model in her underwear) To Walmart: washing a pair of your underwear should not make them disintegrate.

THEREFORE, I claim this day as  Commando Day. HOO- RAH.

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New Height


While creating a lovely updo for my trip to see my favorite play of all time Romeo and Juliet, I realized that I could add about 10 inches to my height. 6″ for the heels. 4″ for the hair. I am now tall enough to attempt modeling…

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Comfort


Yeah, there are days when I just want to say “Fuck it” and permanently wear only yoga pants to work…. like the days I’m cursing myself for wearing a fun flarey jean skirt that leaves welt marks on my belly, and a sequin cami that rakes across my armpit fat, EVEN THOUGH I’m having a skinny day. Fuckin’ A.

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Filed under Beauty, Fashion, Humor, Life, Uncategorized, Work

The Joy of Craigslist


This is an elaboration on a note I posted on Facebook awhile ago that I’m sure nobody read. So now YOU get to! 🙂

So, for those of you who find yourselves broke and sitting at home with nothing to do, my Rockstar and I have come up with an hilarious way to pass the time. My Rockstar is always looking on Craigslist for good deals, and one night I just happened to read one of the ads he was looking at out loud. Now this in itself does not sound overly titillating, HOWEVER, when you consider the fact that most of the people who sell things on Craigslist apparently had a rough time of it in spelling class, you will begin to understand. I followed the rule ” if you don’t know how to read something, sound it out”, and ended up laughing my ass off, as did my guy. Throwing in a little “Fargo” accent or a southern accent for good measure only authenticates the silliness of those selling their wares on Craigslist.

Going with a theory I have gained from a past life, that of believing those who buy Polaris and Chevy are not always of high intellect, I clicked on those ads first, which only confirmed my theory. It seems for the most part that those selling ATVs and other assorted expensive toys are the ads to look for if you are going to try this out. If you happen to have a few dollars to buy alcohol, this is a good thing. While one does not need to be inibriated to read a mis-spelled Craigslist ad out loud to find joy, a buzz definitely makes the experience all the more entertaining.

Perhaps we are easily amused, but seriously, if you have a few minutes to browse Craigslist, I think you will not be disappointed. Remember, reading the ads OUT LOUD is the key! Good times and many hours of free laughing to you all!

P.S. Thank you, all my Lovelys who have made me slightly famous (in my own mind). I consider it a trifling achievement that I have received 1018 views to my blog. XOXO

P.P.S. I went to a wedding this weekend, and my fabulous $6 polka-dotted dress and red satin heels were a hit!

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A Chance To Dress Up


I have decided to post twice today, as I will be gone this weekend, and so I know you will miss me.

It is a grand tradition at my Rockstar’s work to have an annual Holiday Party. In past years, the party has been accompanied by a hefty bonus check for each employee. Sadly, in the last few years, the bonus has been replaced with a better Holiday Party and fishing shirts embroidered with the company logo. This may be the reason why my Rockstar is so bitter about about this year’s festivities. I shall elaborate…

The boss decided to have the party early this year, so next week, he is paying for an all-inclusive night at a bed-and-breakfast, complete with a Mystery Dinner for all his employees. (I believe this is at least partly because he doesn’t want my drunken crazy self anywhere near his house like last year.) When my Rockstar found out, he came home and slammed his lunchbox down and said, “Look at this stupid bull-shit he’s got planned.” I read the brochure, and being the up-beat, fly-by-my-seat gal that I am, exclaimed what fun it would be. My Rockstar said we weren’t going. I was sad.

A while later, he told me he had, in fact, signed us up to go. I was ecstatic, as any excuse to wear heels NOT to work is cause to celebrate. I asked what I should wear, and my Rockstar, knowing me as he does, to;d me, “You don’t have to dress like a prom queen.” Boo.

A week ago, we received invitations suggesting attire. I have been selected to play a bookish Agatha Christie- type, and was told to wear a long flowing dress. As I, like any other girl, looked into my closet and saw nothing to wear, I went to the store and found a last-year’s prom dress for $10. What luck! I brought it home and swished it around excitedly for my Rockstar. His response? “I already told you not to dress up.”

Now dressing the part is not mandatory, but if you get the chance, why wouldn’t you? In the least, I would have expected him to be thrilled to show off his much-younger girlfriend (me) in a long flowy gown complete with DDD’s. Wouldn’t you? So the question is, do I be the fun, fashionable girl I am and wear my fabulous dress when it sounds like most people AREN”T dressing up?

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