The Anthropologist Formerly Known as Prince

I remember thinking once,

“I’d never want him to produce my music.”

Fool that I was.

I didn’t realize then

that the sound I had mistaken for

messiness and chaos

was actually the character of mankind

caught on tape.

It was,

truly,

anthropology at its finest.

You entangled each one of us

in the snare of your guitar strings;

furiously jotted endless lyrical notes,

and then released us back

into the wild with a song.

You were an incomparable teacher;

you taught us to Gett Off,

what doves sound like when they cry,

and that not everything that glitters is Gold.

At times,

it seemed as though you even

controlled the weather-

it rained Purple;

it snowed in April.

A lesser man would have agonized over

such a petite figure;

but you strutted yours.

Ruffled, tailored, Purpled.

You masqueraded as a sex object,

and no one ever realized you were

preaching the Gospel while you did it.

You told us of a Park

where life won’t be so bad;

it was in our hearts,

but now we can tour the frickin’ place

for a hundred bucks.

I guess it’s just a Sign O’ the Times,

isn’t it?

“The Beautiful Ones you always seem to lose.”

A True Retelling of the 3 Bears

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Sparklebumps who was forced to work weekends to pay her bills. When she would come home late at night, there was never anyone to greet her, because her Rockstar and his Daughter would go to bed at ridiculously early hours.

The other night, she returned home, and though the hour was late, she was jazzed up enough from work that attempting to go to sleep would have been a moot point. (I love the word moot) She decided to have a small libation, hoping it would make her sleepy. She opened the cupborad and found that the bottle of peach brandy she had bought, (and had only drank part of) was nearly gone. She narrowed her eyes at the bottle and thought, “Someone’s been drinking my brandy, and it’s almost ALL gone! He’s buying the next bottle.”

Sparkle then looked into the fridge, intent on finishing the delicious extra-cheesy pizza she had brought home from work the other night. To her abject horror, when she opened the refrigerator door, there was no little box marked “Pizza Hut”. Growing agitated, she slammed the fridge door and thought, “Somebody’s been eating my pizza, and they didn’t even leave me one piece!”

Sparkle decided since drinking and eating were out, she would sit and read a book for a few moments. As she plopped down in her assigned couch spot, she noticed the guitar she had received as a Christmas present from her ex many years ago was not leaning against her bookcases. She had asked her Rockstar to list it on Craigslist, since she never learned to play it, and would rather have a pair or two of shoes. When she noticed it was gone she thought, “He must have sold it; I wonder where he put my money.”

So Sparklebumps went to bed un-drunk, with no money, while her tummy rumbled. She had indeed turned into a bear.