Tag Archives: histrionic

Elliot Sta-ate of Mind

This is my 5th or 6th post about the fucked up search terms people type in and end up finding my blog with. I’m greatly disturbed to inform you that “Blake Shelton’s bulge” remains the most popular one. As I was writing this post on paper, (I sometimes do that) I realized I had a theme going, as evidenced by the title of today’s post. You’ll see…

Elliot Stabler naked: I think this may have been on my last search term post, but it is worthy of mentioning again, I think. All I have to say is- if Elliot Stabler were naked on my blog, you wouldn’t be reading the highly entertaining posts I type, as my fingers would be… otherwise engaged.

My dearest my loins burn for you: This seems the appropriate response I would have if ever I WERE to see Elliot Stabler naked and in person. I am also greatly flattered that whoever typed this search term in was directed to my site. I assure you the burning in their loins is due to my hilarious wit, and NOT gonner  gheonne gonnerh  fuck it. Herpes.

shameful public pants: zoobas, anyone? Some may also find my pants shamefully wet if ever I saw Elliot Stabler naked in public.

passing around a bottle of jack: I’m game. Especially if a naked Elliot Stabler is involved.

Are you sick of my Elliot obsession yet? You will be.

her heart began to beat faster: I bet she saw Elliot Stabler naked.

behaved women fucking: I’m quite certain a naked Elliot Stabler can make the most demure of women think twice about her morals.

girl receives a gift in dildo porn: Was it an Elliot Stabler replica, I wonder? That would be worth searching for.

deflowered girl porn: I’m not interested. Unless Elliot Stabler is involved, that is.

Aright, enough about him. On to the weird and unique.

Boobs rock: I agree. Especially mine. You agree too. Just admit it.

Fish boner capital punishment: Do fish have penises? I must admit that this is a biology question I don’t know the answer to. But I suppose if someone’s fucked-up self looks up “fish boners”, they must exist. Now the question is, are they using the fish boners to administer the capital punishment, or are they capitally punishing the fish boners?

Sex story of my mother with a sex thief: I suppose that if it was a theif stealing the sex, my mother would have had no choice in the matter. I do not care to think on that subject any longer.

I am Joe’s penis: Well, la dee da. You must be so proud. Were ya been, Joe’s penis? Oh wait, I don’t wanna know. I however, am NOT Joe’s penis, so I’m confused as to why this searching person was directed to my blog. Although, if I were to have a penis, I’d prolly call him Joe.

Talk dirty to me in Farsi: Please do! Not that I’ll have a clue what you are saying, but it will make me giggle and blush all the same. Shit, I was flustered when one of my cooks at work said, “How you doin’?” in his sexy voice to me last night. He found that highly amusing.

histrionic in love with older knight: This is the story of my life. My older knight weilds his guitar (and the sword within his pants) with extreme precision. Of course I’m going to love him…

I’ve included several eye candy pictures to make your day brighter. XOXO


Filed under Beauty, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Love, Sex, Uncategorized

If You Pay Me, I Will Be Professional

So, a few of my fellow bloggery people have posted rants about the spam they have accrued on this website. This is another one of those posts.

I realize that spam is garbage and that it shouldn’t matter what it has to say, but I can, at times, be excessively-emotional. THIS-“reat article and straight to the point. I am not sure if this is in fact a good option to ask but do you folks have any thoughts on you’ll be able to hire some professional writers? Thanks” fuckin’ pissed me right off.

I refuse to post the web address that this came from, because whatever assbucket sent it does NOT deserve any traffic that I would provide. How DARE this fucktard who cannot even spell “read” ask me to hire a professional writer for my blog!!!!!! This blog is for MY writing pleasure, and for your reading pleasure, and if I wish to spell things wrong, or write in an unprofessional manner, I am allowed to do so, and no cocksucker spammer can stop me! On that note, I admit that I am not the most seasoned writer on this block, but my writing skills are far superior to some horrendously well-known authors (ahem, Stephanie Meyer), which only proves that a ridiculously large paycheck is what makes a professional writer a pro.

To you who sent me this anger-inducing spam, I assure you, this is NOT, in fact, (see there my professional use of commas) a good option to ask a raging histrionic to hire someone else to type the thoughts that are in her head, and you had better be thanking your lucky stars that I am not a spy, because if I was, you would be hunted down and given a righteous beating. (Ooh! I could be a spy! I never thought of that one!) No, I do not entertain any thoughts of hiring some professional writers, so it would probably be in your best interest NEVER to spam me again, since my writing skills are so abhorrently disgusting to you. The only sign that you have a few brain cells left was your comment that I was “Straight to the point.” Let me get straight to the point once more- You can suck my non-existant dick and kiss my sparkly ass, fucker.


Filed under Humor, Life, Uncategorized