Tag Archives: J.B.F. hair

The Allure of J.B.F. Hair

Having lived my entire life as one of the Unfortunates Born With Naturally Curly Hair, I understand the struggle that we, as so named, collectively endure. Not to say that the curly-headed people are unattractive; in fact, I would say quite the opposite is true. For example, Beyonce resembled African Royalty when she wore her hair in the full glory of her natural afro, (in my opinion) where as, Paris Hilton with her skinny stick-straight hair resembles a corpse that’s been buried for at least a month. (also my opinion.) The hardships we face are as such: which professional hair-care products do we dare spend our hard-earned money on, when any one of them may leave our curls weighed down, greasy, or resembling the crunch on a piece of blackened chicken? There is always the option to go au naturale, but then one runs the risk of being mistaken for an un-evolved cavewoman.

When I was small, I remember an incident when my momma took me to the salon to get my bangs trimmed. Now, when I see pictures of myself as a child, I am ashamed to say that I do not believe my mother ever made me brush my hair. But for some reason, I remember quite a few haircuts from back then. Anyhoo, I informed the woman about to trim my bangs that I wanted them cut so they would be straight. Obviously, this was not an option. She did attempt to straighten them with product and a round brush, but I left the beauty shop in tears because “I just wanted straight bangs.” I believe that event has scarred me for life.

When I was 13, I FINALLY convinced my parents to allow me to get a perm. This may seem strange, since my hair was curly already, but at the time, I didn’t have the nice spirally curls I wanted. My tresses actually looked like I went to bed with my hair wet. So I spent my teen years paying to have acceptable -looking curls. When I was 18, I went to the salon again and told the woman to chop it all off. That was probably the cutest haircut I ever had. I still get compliments about my senior pictures.

From 18 until now, I have had nearly every color of hair imaginable. (most recently Wildfire Orange) Mostly, this is because I get bored easily, but partly it is because I am trying to find a color that compliments my riotous curls. On my 28th birthday, I went to the salon and got a haircut inspired by Rihanna’s fauxhawk. I must say that I got many many compliments on that style, and the ones that followed. I think it was because there are not many people I know that are willing to almost shave there head, and my personality matches my hair.

I have now decided that I will grow my hair out, and though I straighten it sometimes, (which is ALOT of work) I mostly just let it be curly. (which is also alot of work) Every morning, I must spritz leave-in conditioner (because curly hair is dry), goop some gel in, spray some spray-n-play, scrunch it, blow dry it, and add hairspray while my head is flipped upside down, just to get my mane looking like J.B.F. hair. For those of you who have been under rocks, J.B.F. stands for Just Been Fucked. Yes, I now go to work every day looking like I’ve just done sex. Apparently, this is becoming, as I have many customers tell me, “Oh! Your hair is so cute!” My gramma also raves about it every Sunday at church to anyone who will listen. So, I guess my point is, I shall not try to be someone I’m not. I shall go through life looking as though my Rockstar just got done shagging me.

To all you Curly-Headed People, I salute you.


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