Tag Archives: Law and Order SVU

Down to Earth


So it seems that I am growing increasingly popular in my circle as of late. I suppose this makes sense since it is MY circle, and I am at the center of it. However, because I consider myself a bitch, it is surprising to myself how many people actually seem to genuinely LIKE me. There are even a few crushes in there, but since those individuals are in other ways attached, I digress.

One of the recurring themes that seems to be quite evident when people are speaking of my general awesomeness is the fact that I am “down to earth”. Since the only definition of this phrase I actually comprehended was the literal one- as in, gravity it keeping me down to earth- I decided to look it up and further feed the Knowledge Monster in my head.

The first place I looked was Dictionary.com, only to find that their definition of “down to earth” was : practical and realistic.

At first I was confused. These two words are almost completely foreign to me, and are certainly not two words that anyone in my entire life has EVER used to describe me. (Is it strange that I feel relief at that?) I decided to search further.

Where to go to find the answers I seek? How about Answers.com. There I found the following:

Down to earth:

    1. Not pretentious or affected; straightforward.
    2. Not overly ornate; simple in style.

Now I was getting somewhere. While I would not necessarily call myself non-pretentious, I would most certainly agree that I am straightforward, and evidenced HERE with the Butterface incident. However, the second definition had my head spinning. While I believe simplicity is beautiful in it’s own way, (just as a Butterface is to her boyfriend) I simply have never understood it. My style has been described as flamboyant, crazy, and Halloween-ish, but never simple. To prove my point, I shall redirect you HERE.

My next stop on the quest to define my Self was Urbandictionary.com. (My go-to place for pop knowledge)

Definition #4 caught my eye:

a vague, meaningless expression that a wide variety of people use to express an undefinable positive quality in an other

Well, They don’t seem to know what It is, but it seems some people think I have It. I guess that answers the question I asked HERE. At least It’s a positive thing.

Here’s their #5 definition:

Someone basic, attached to day by day issues, ruled by the common sense. Not a dreamer or idealistic, not into the creative field or the Arts. Usually connoted with one either without studies or a especial knowledge or intellectual skill.

Considering that I am into writing and ooze intellectual skill and especial (is that a word?) knowledge while dreaming of living in a castle and believing in love at first sight while my Rockstar is yelling at me about not having common sense, I think that this definition does not suit me well.

More perplexed than ever, I sought out other people who were just as baffled as I. Here are some answers they recieved when they asked the mind-boggling question- What does “down to earth ” mean? :

when a person is “down to earth” they are humble and do not put on any airs or flaunt their fame or fortune.  They would be someone you feel you could talk to, open up with, ask advice from and you could trust what they say and their opinion

Everyone talks to me. However, someday, when I’m famous and fortune-ate, I may have to interrupt them to squeal, “Look at me, bitches! I gots my Mustang and by the way, that was my dead body on Law and Order SVU.”

Non-metaphorically, the “Down-to-earth” person is easier to understand and concerned with things more likely to be what others are concerned with (not, for example, the importance of the Urantia book to religion or the validity of Ubuntu operating system.) This person is also, therefore, more likely to be sympathetic to another human being. Over-educated folks tend to be sympathetic to other educated people. And standard human sin and pride being always present, over-educated folk become egotistical towards less educated folk, making them all but useless and very unsympathetic.

A “down to earth” person is concerned with things more likely to be what others are concerned with- Um, sorry, when I was concerned with the outcome of Wrestlemania, no one else quite seemed to be. As far as books go, I get “There you go, blabbing about silly books again,” quite frequently.

over-educated folk become egotistical towards less educated folk- I would never look down upon less educated folk. It’s not their fault they aren’t as smart as me.

Usually such people seem to be high quality, intelligent, classy, or in some way gifted or privileged, yet seem to relate well to ordinary folks and the less than fortunate in a very amicable manner – and are not pretentious or haughty.

Thank you, I strive to be a high quality product. Being in some way gifted with excess boobage helps a bit. But I try to expose only a small amount of cleavage, therefore remaining classy.

It means your grounded. Your head is not floating up in the clouds so people can actually relate to you because you are on the same level.

My head is firmly attached to the rest of me, but I cannot say for sure that the rest of me stays on the ground. After all, I AM a superhero.

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A Farewell to Elliot Stabler’s Arms


My dearest Elliot, (and your Arms)

I was quite distraught to have it brought to my attention that you and your beautiful arms will no longer be starring on Law and Order SVU. I realize this letter may seem a bit belated, but I must admit that I’ve been remiss in my duty as a devoted SVU fan and have not been watching the show in recent months due to my own self-obsession.

I must tell you that my heart felt as if it had been crushed by a thousand elephant’s asses when my beloved friend Delightful informed me that you and your arms were done for after she began watching the show to better understand my obsession with your real life persona Chris Meloni. I felt faint, and had to rest my head on the make-table at work, (which was quite unsanitary, so I had to waste time re-sanitizing it. Thanks.) How can life ever be the same if I am no longer able to adore the Catholic tattoo that graces you uber-buff bicep? I will no longer be able to fantasize your upper appendages being wrapped around my naked body in a passionate embrace, or lifting me from a burning building.

I am bereaved at the fact that I will no longer be able to yell your arms through the TV, screaming, “Just squeeze Olivia already, dammit!” and the fact I will never have had the satifaction of seeing you and she crawling out of bed mostly naked after finally giving in to the sexual tension greatly perturbs me.

No longer shall my desire be whetted by watching marathons of  newer SVU episodes that I haven’t seen a million times. While Richard Belzer’s character Munch is somewhat sexy in a twisted, highly-intelligent old man sort of way, he does not hold a candle to you, Ell. (Or your arms)

My dream of one day playing a victim that you have saved, or maybe replacing Olivia as your partner is destroyed. Where am I to go from here? My life is in ruins and I am in the depths of despair.

While your real-life persona Chris Meloni may yet impassion me by starring in big-budget movies, (or True Blood, I hear) I feel that will never compare to the intimate relationship we’ve had for the past ten, Elliot’s Arms. How could you think of making such a career choice without consulting me? Do you not know how I pine for your beefiness? Do you not know of the fire that burns in my loins at the thought of your sinewy strength? My yoga pants are dewy just writing about it.

My only hope is that you (or the producers of SVU) will come to your senses, and you will yet again grace my T.V. screen on a weekly basis. I will be waiting, bereft and inconsolable, until that time comes, Elliot and Elliot’s Arms.

With all the desire in my 5’3″ frame,

A Heartbroken Sparklebumps

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5:00 AM


Is there anything better than a dose of Law and Order SVU at 5:00 AM? I think not. I get to watch Chris Meloni before I’m fully dressed. 🙂 Yes, I realize I have a problem….

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