Survive and Thrive Workshop: Prompt #3

MM.

How many times did you autograph that monogram

and wonder,

What if they realize I’m not really

Her?

They’ll be so mad when they find out

that this piece of paper

isn’t worth a cent.

I know.

I know what it’s like when people think

you are someone you’re not.

Sure, I’ve never exactly obtained the fame you did,

or been described as the ultimate “sex symbol”.

But,

I guess I’ve had my moments.

Yes, I get it;

Wanting to drown your sorrows in a bottle of gin

so deeply

that you forget the real you

and actually become the glittering figure

They believe you are.

They say you were either

the greatest actress that ever lived

or the biggest joke ever to grace

the silver screen.

Having great tits

tends to make people not take you seriously.

And yet,

you pursued your search for love,

still working toward your goal of becoming a

“real actress”;

even in the end,

you had Them fooled.

As the ambulance drove  your adored body away,

They continued to refer to you as

Marilyn Monroe.

But I know the truth.

You were so much more than that.

 

 

 

 

Drink

As I sit here drinking rum

at ten-thirty in the morning,

I begin to wonder if maybe

I might be a pirate by the time the bottle’s gone.

Wouldn’t that be ideal?

There certainly seems to be

a goodly number of drunk men

thinking they are Superman….

I can see the commercial for it now.

No need for higher learning!

Drink what you want to be!

Like, if you long to be a cowboy,

break out the Jim and Jack!

You’ll be whoring and meeting your enemy

at high noon in no time!

You aspire to be a great writer, you say?

Well, what kind of writer do you wish to be?

Do you wish to write brilliant

yet depressingly dull fiction?

Hemingway preferred absinthe.

Mind the green fairy, though.

She may put a shotgun in your hand

and bid you blow your brains out.

You have a journalistic edge?

Wild turkey was Hunter’s poison.

(I do wonder if maybe you might

just turn into a turkey if you drink that though.)

Wouldn’t it be grand?

If instead of just being called an alcoholic,

you could be called Marilyn Monroe?

What if you constantly drink vodka?

Will you turn into a Russian anarchist?

I’m not sure all Russians endorse anarchy,

but there sure seems to be

a hella lotta movies portraying them that way.

The question really is….

if you drink sea water,

are you actually a mermaid?

An Acceptable Amount of Boom Boom

I would like to pose a question to those who are lucky enough to have found my blog. What is the acceptable amount of sexual activity an individual may engage in daily without people raising their eyebrows and questioning that person’s mental health?

I have heard the saying, “Men think about sex every six seconds.” So what is to be said of the WOMAN who thinks of sex every six seconds? (That would be me, if you all haven’t already figured that out.) And yes, I realize that men are barbaric creatures who are led by their penises, (Sorry, men. From what I’ve experienced, it’s true.) but when my Rockstar seems to think I have a problem because I want to jump his bones at regular intervals, it makes me wonder…

I believe the word “nymphomaniac” is thrown around quite loosely.

The World Dictionary’s definition of a nymphomaniac is as follows: a neurotic condition in women in which the symptoms are a compulsion to have sexual intercourse with as many men as possible and an inability to have lasting relationships with them. I am proud to say that I am not one of the women who suffer from this neurotic condition, although I very easily could slip into these behaviors if I was un-attatched.

Perhaps it is the fact that I went through a dry spell of 9 months during the last year of my marriage that made me the nooky-starved woman that I am today. Or perhaps it is just that the wondrous sex I have with my Rockstar (he would be so happy to see me mentioning it in such a light) is just too good to pass up when there is time in which to do It. I tend to lean toward the latter.

From what I’ve heard, the naked fun time seems to dwindle in a relationship once the relationship has aged a bit. That was certainly true of my marriage. However, I intend that to NOT be happening in my current relationship. Ever. I realize that sex is not the main thing any  coupling should be built on, but to quote Marilyn Monroe- “You wouldn’t marry a girl just because she’s pretty, but, my goodness! Doesn’t it help?”

So, yes, I will cease my babbling now, as I realize this is not the moment of my finest writing, but all I have to say is, I will never turn down sex because “I have a headache.”

P.S. I don’t understand how my Rockstar can go for 4 days without it, but then turn around and ravage me three times in one day….

Do I Have That “Thing”?

No, this is not a post to declare to the world that I possess a penis, because I certainly do NOT, and anyway, if I did, I would know it and wouldn’t be asking you people. This is a simply a post to wonder about what gives someone that special “something”, that je ne se qua, that x-factor, that makes them irrestistable to people?

My first example would have to be Marilyn Monroe. Who in the world (at least the world not including third-world countries) does not recognize that sexual icon who was the first to grace the cover of Playboy? Hef obviously thought Marilyn had “it”. John Dougherty, Joe DiMaggio, Arthur Miller, Marlon Brando, and John and Robert (Kennedy) obviously agreed. From everything I’ve read, she was a sweety who just wanted to be loved, so was that the “thing”? Or was it the fact that she wasn’t a size zero and had some nice sweater meat? Because it certainly wasn’t her acting ability that was “it”.

Next on my list is Megan Fox. (Here I would like to state that Megan Fox is completely lovely, but there are many others I would put on the most beautiful list first.) Does anybody (men) remember anything else about the original Transformers movie? My Rockstar certainly doesn’t. I think it’s safe to say that Megan has quite a following, even though she does half-assed movies where she is a circus freak with wings(Passion Play), and bizarre movies where she eats dudes, (Jennifer’s Body, which WAS written hilariously), and so I ask, is it because pretty much the first glimpse the world got was of her bending over a shitty Camaro? I wonder. (Do her creepy toe thumbs mean NOTHING to you people?!)

Angelina. Yes, Ok, so I’ve mentioned Angelina before, and from asking around, most men find her a bit scary and NOT possessing of the “Thing”. But she DID become somewhat of an icon, whether you want to admit it or not. So I think she has “it”. (Perhaps it is due to the stellar sex scenes she did in Original Sin and Taking Lives.) And sadly, for whatever reason I cannot upload a pic of Angelina for you.

Chris Meloni has that “Thing”. And I don’t know what it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyhoo, I got to thinking about this whole je ne se qua thing because I’ve had my share of followers (mainly the desperate and eerie) and I don’t really understand why. I admit that I’m not the ugliest ape in the zoo, but I am far, far from the prettiest. I am absolutely NOT photogenic, so I don’t fit in with the 4 lovelies I’ve mentioned above, and I can be quite lippy, so I wouldn’t think most men would appreciate that either. This may sound completely presumptuous and full of myself, but when my new boss Christophe tell me I “ooze sex appeal”, I’m going to wonder what made him say that. It may be the fact that “oozing” anything makes me sound like I suffer from a venereal disease, but I just really would like to know what gives someone, the “Thing”, because I would never in a million years say I have “it”. If you ask me, the only thing I’ve got is a pair of DDD’s.