Tag Archives: musicals

Things One Thinks In a Dark Theatre


This past weekend, I got a chance to hang with my homie Delightful and experience an incredible production of the musical rock opera Rent.  I was surprised such a small-town theatre could do such a superb job putting on a Broadway musical, but there it was. It was so good, in fact, that the adorable gay couple next to me cried for the entirety of two songs after Angel died, and so amazing that I am dragging a few of my peeps to it again this Sunday.

Anyhoo, it seems a writer’s mind (or a psychopath’s, if you prefer) is never silenced, even when faced with a much-younger gorgeous man singing about his fictional druggy skank of a girlfriend. Here are just a few of the things I found myself thinking…

The guy playing Roger is beautiful. Like, for real, a curly-headed somewhat scrawny Adonis, who can sing. What?! This is only his second role in a stage production ever?! He’s so gorgeous. 

I should really take voice lessons. It’s utterly ridiculous that I’m not performing in plays of this caliber.

The guy playing Roger is beautiful. I wonder what he’d do if I just ran out on stage and kissed him….

Ok, who am I kidding? I can’t sing like these people, even with voice lessons. I could at least play the keyboard. Yeah, I should do that.

Oh! We’re going to Half-Priced Books after this! WOOHOOO!!!!

The guy playing Roger sings like an angel. I really wish he’d quit kissing that girl in the fishnets.

I wonder how many of these actors watched the movie version of Rent a million times. It’s uncanny how closely they sound like the actors in that when they sing.

Oops. I wonder if that old couple in the front row over there were expecting the facefull of ass they just saw?

I really wish the guy playing Roger was named something other than Roger. What kind name is Roger for a rock god?!

I honestly don’t know where to comfortably put my legs. I didn’t realize “front row” actually meant “center stage”.

OK, do the actors think its weird that I’m staring at them when they sing? I mean, if I were a few rows back, it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but yeah, I can practically smell Tom Collins breath here…. but where else am I supposed to look? There’s no one else on stage.

The guy playing Roger is so beautiful. I wonder if he needs someone to help him get into costume… (I’m quite aware I sound like a complete nincompoop, but you didn’t see the guy playing Roger, so shut up.)

I just got chills when that girl hit that note. I want to be able to give people chills, dammit!

I’ve just decided Rent is my favorite musical.

I wonder if this theatre realizes how completely white all their characters are. Wasn’t that the whole point of this play? To show diversity? Fuckin’ Minnesota, I tell ya.

The girl playing Mimi has the tiniest hands ever. I think her fingers are shorter than mine.

La vie Boheme? More like, la vie the guy playing Roger!

For the record, Delightfulness agreed with me on the beautifulness of Roger.

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“At the End of the Day”…


…I must audition for the local production of Les Miserables, whether I can truly sing or not.

Because it is my absolute favorite musical of all time.

I was really meant to be in the big Hollywood blockbuster production of Les Mis, but nobody even bothered to ask me if I wanted to win an Oscar for portraying a sad and pathetically fallen-from-grace Fantine. Instead, the picked Anne Hathaway and her amazing alien-esque eyes. Damn Them.

‘Tis alright, though. I’ve always favored Eponine and her heart-broken renditions of On My Own and A Little Fall of Rain. Luckily, in every production I’ve ever seen, the actor cast as Marius tends to be fi-ine. So if I get the part, I’ll get to have an attractive dude who can sing “hold me close, and let it be.”

While I would do well and have the “tools” to perfectly portray a prostitute, I suppose in the end I most closely could resemble a disenchanted Mme. Thenardier. I most certainly understand the concept of being married to someone who “isn’t worth my spit.” (Although, that’s a bit more harsh than I would actually put it.)

For my upcoming audition, I may choose one song from the person who’s part I wish to play, and another un-related song. Here is where I shall ask for opinions on which un-related songs may wow the Les Mis casting judges. While I have a strong voice that mostly hits correct notes, I would prefer any suggestions that are written for male types such as Steve Perry. (I suppose since I can execute any Journey song without the slightest qualm, any of those may be a good option.)

Now for the part of choosing a character to play…. I believe I shall sing one of Eponine’s selections, but the more I think about it, I believe it would be amazing and sexually confusing for all paying play-goers if I were to play the un-relenting Javier. I don’t always agree with era-appropriating old storylines, but would it not be a good time to see me in a power-hungry authoritative roll? I most certainly do.

“I dreamed a dream” that I starred in some production of Les Mis, and dammit, that’s what I’m gonna do.

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The End Has Come; A New Life Has Begun


It may seem glaringly obvious to those who depend on my witty musings on a daily basis that I have not been present as of late. I urge of you who’s lives have been dull because of my absence to write fuming letters of anger and disgust to the writers and creators of the T.V. show Glee.

It’s true, my lack of writing in the last month has been partially due to the fact that I’m working 60+ hours weekly as the leading Pizza Slut in my store. However, if it were not for Glee and the 22 hours of it that are available on Netflix, you most assuredly would have had near-daily postings from me.

When the show Glee debuted, I was unable to watch it because I was working at my bookstore the night it was on, so I had to live vicariously through the only show-choir boy I knew who raved about it incessently at work. Since then, my feelings toward the show had gone the way of Twilight and Harry Potter– so much hype was there that it made me reluctant to form an opinion on the subject.

Finally, a few weeks ago, I decided to bite the bullet and begin my life as a Gleek. While enjoying my day off in a state of near coma-ism, I flipped virtually through the many choices Netflix had to offer me and settled on Glee. I am ashamed to admit I sat and watched the first 7 episodes without moving from my seat. While the show at times is a bit over-dramatic and downright ridiculous, the fact that it contains numerous actors with amazing singing talent is enough to have hooked me. Sadly, though, I was faced with the reality that despite my youthful appearance and demeanor, I am a decade or older than the characters in the show, yet found myself slightly aroused by the teen boys as they belted out Journey and Fat-Bottomed Girls. But nevermind about that.

I was fastly enamoured with the character Curt and his struggle as a gay teen boy, and without a doubt found myself wanting to meet and befriend his stunning and amazing self. Sadly, he is fictional, so I cannot, but the boy who plays him is quite wonderful enough to meet.

Jane Lynch is disturbingly good at playing a wretched cheerleading coach intent on the Glee Club’s demise. However, my heart broke when her handi-capable sister died, and I found myself bawling as the Club oohed and aahed to Pure Imagination. There were several other instances when my tear ducts overflowed, as well, so it is proven that despite the sometimes childish storylines of the show, there are some good writers employed.

The attraction of this show to me is the fact that with no reason whatsoever, the characters burst into song at various intervals, which is exactly as I think life should be.

I realize that yet another season of Glee is impending, as well as the third season that is unavailable on Netflix, but as for today, I would like to state that I have finally finished the second season, and so have dislodged my ass from the indent I’ve created in my Rockstar’s lazyboy, and shall endeavor to once again bi-daily at least entertain you with my ramblings. XOXO

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