Tag Archives: Mustangs

A New Friend


So I had a visitor last night at work in the form of this adorable little person known as Delightfulness. I’m not exactly sure how we found out that we both live around the same area, but it was through wordpress, so I have yet another reason to be glad I started a blog.

To clear things up, when I say “little person”, I do not mean a midget. No no. What I mean is Delightfulness is one of those girls that is so small and little that you just wanna squeeze her and hug her and stick her in your back pocket. (Wow, I just realized I haven’t said the pocket thing for awhile. It mostly comes out when I see cute girls at the bar that I tell my Rockstar I’m going to flirt with.) Anyhoo, Delightfulness brought her boyfriend (I’m assuming just in case I happened to be a raging lunatic) and I must say that they make a very attractive couple. (That is the only way I can think of to say politely that I would boink you both, Delightful. Just to be clear- my intentions are completely honorable concerning you.)

We only had a few moments to talk of Mustangs and jobs and Christmas, but I think that we shall be great friends. Delightful writes lovely poetry, and loves shoes, and sex, and books. (Like me) She also volunteers (unlike me) because she is amazing. Although we shall be on the opposite sides of the store if ever we are to shop Victoria’s Secret together (because Delight is a tiny-framed person with boobies appropriate for her size, and my buzooms are NOT appropriately-sized) I shall feel very comfortable yelling over the panty tables, “Hey, D! Do you think my Rockstar do me three times tonight if I get the red one?”

I am so excited.

P.S. You really should check out her blog, because she is funny and smart and your time shall not be wasted.

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Filed under Friendship, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

A Guy Thing To Do


Thank you, everyone who read my blog yesterday, it was my biggest day yet! In the grand scheme of things, I shall always remember you when I am famous. XOXO

I have always appreciated beauty. And women are way more fun to look at than men, which is the only explaination I have for the following story. You may find it creepy anyway.

There is a gorgeous young woman who comes into my bookstore to sell books occasionally. She is just this tiny petite thing with perfect hair, a perfect smile, and a perfect baby that always has a perfect flowery headband on. When she sells books, she has to sign her name on our little sheet thing, and being the little-bit creepy person that I am, I decided to look her up on facebook. Now, this was not with the intention of finding out where she lives, or finding out what she did last Friday night. My sole purpose was to appreciate any very nice pictures that she had on her profile. And in my defense, if she really DIDN’T want anyone looking at her, she woulda put her profile on private. So there. Anyway, the other night when I was drinking, I confessed to my Rockstar this semi-creepy thing that I did, and showed him her pics so he could appreciate her too. He said, “That was totally a guy thing to do.”

I agree. No normal woman I know would ever look up a girl she didn’t know on facebook just to ogle her pics. But then, when have I ever claimed to be normal? This got me to thinking of the other non-feminine qualities I possess.

I suppose the first thing that came to mind is sex. Yes, there are many women out there that are just as horny as men. But They DO say that when women have sex with a man, there is a chemical in their body that wants more with that man, or something to that effect. I haven’t that chemical. Basically, I’m up for a little bit of cuddling after the big finish, but as far as one-night stands go, I don’t want to see the dude again. Ever. Thank you, goodbye. I found out this is not a normal reaction for a woman to have when my Rockstar was reading Nikki Sixx’s Heroin Diaries. He brought up a story about Nikki and Tommy doing some girls backstage, and he wondered, “I don’t understand how guys can just meet a girl and 30 seconds later be doing them. For me, it’s easier to get turned on when you get to know her first.” I know. You guys are thinking, Awww, that’s sweet. It IS sweet. But I blurted out, “I don’t know. I guess if somebody wants to fuck me that’s kind of a turn on in itself.” To which he replied, “Yeah, you’re kinda like a dude that way.” Hmm.

That brings me to porn. Porn is super-fun, and lots of girls like it. But for the most part I think girls like the nice fluffy soft porn. I like the gritty pie-in-your-eye porn where the chic is getting reamed in the butt. Although, I guess really I prefer to watch girl-on-girl vids. Also very guy-like.

The next thing I thought of was food. I love to eat. A LOT.  I have never been one of those girls who is watching her figure and will forego yumminess. Bring on the chocolate cake! This quality I have used to make my ex-hubby cringe, as he was 270 lbs, yet I somehow managed to out-eat him anytime we went out. I don’t know if I have worms or what, or maybe I’m just REALLY hungry. Anyhoo, now when I go out to eat with my Rockstar and his Daughter, he knows he can just shove their plates over to me when they are done. What’s  a doggie bag again? So now you are probably thinking, “Damn this bitch must have a fat ass!” I admit I am no skinny-minnie, and I should prolly exercise sometime, but I am proud to say I’m a size 11 and 175 lbs. And you must remember that at least 20 lbs of that is in my bra. Moving on.

Fast cars. (and big trucks) Mainly Mustangs. I honestly think they are the hottest thing there is. I drive through the Ford dealer quite frequently just to get a look at the sexy things. And when I see one at a stoplight, I kick it down just so I can listen to their engine roar. And if I had $60,000, I would have to choose whether I would buy a Shelby Mustang or a beautiful Ford F-350. That is a decision that would be very hard to make. I hear men buy big trucks to compensate for smaller things. I just want one so I can run people over without feeling the thump.

Very closely related: blow-shit-up movies. And action movies in general. I really do like romantic movies. For example, The Princess Bride is my absolute favorite movie of all time. (As you wish!) But a close second is Independence Day. Any movie that involves blowing up aliens is alright by me. And I really liked the Spiderman movies, except for the long drawn-out  love story that they included. And all you girls will hate me for this, but The Notebook was the most obnoxious and nauseating 2 hours I ever wasted. Oh, any time they show boobies in a movie is a plus.

Well, that pretty much sums up my mannish qualities. I have been described as “princess-like”- as in being in need of rescuing, but I can change a tire and drive a stick shift, and my Rockstar was the only one who helped me carry my piano up a flight of stairs. I still love sparkles and ruffly things, but maybe my Man qualities just make it easier for me to be “one of the boys.” And just to prove that I really am a woman, I do not in any way find farting amusing. XOXO

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Filed under Beauty, Family, Fashion, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized, Work