For some odd reason, while I was saucing and cheesing at working today, I began thinking of famous men who were completely wetty-inducing BEFORE they were savagely ruined by women. Here are a few examples:
Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert: Blake first came to my attention when his first album came out. Although I had no clue what he looked like, his songs They played on the radio caught my interest, and I thought, “Hey. This guy could be a great songwriter.” Then when a little song called Nobody but Me hit the charts, I was a goner. I happened to see the video for it, and despite the fact the Blake sported a semi-mullet (which he graciously covered with a cowboy hat), I found him to be irresistable.
Then came Miranda. Sadly, I believe Miranda has been ruined by their relationship too, because before Blake, she sang good songs. Now- not so much. I believe Blake was the modern-day Samson, and when Miranda talked him into cutting his hair, I believe the stylist cut his talent away with it. Now Blake no longer sings about skinny dipping with hot girls; he only sings about how God gave him Miranda. And I am convinced the loss of his hair has made his eyes bug out of his head, because I can no longer watch him sing without getting creeped out.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: I realize that Tom was probably a bit over the edge long ago. (Thank you, Scientology) but you never saw him jumping on a couch or asking to eat his baby’s placenta BEFORE Katie, did you? I rest my case.
Tim McGraw and Faith Hill: Yet another country star lost to the evil wiles of a woman. Before Faith, Tim was HOT. I liked it, I loved it, and I definitely wanted more of it. I don’t know what it is about a man in a cowboy hat singing Don’t Take the Girl, but when he sings it now with the “fashionable” beret I’m sure Faith picked out, I want to change the words to “Please take the girl.” I bet he doesn’t even OWN a cowboy hat anymore. I suppose he is still sexy in a stylish, preppy-boy sort of way, but I like my men rugged.
Brad Pitt and Angelina: I hate to say it, because Angelina is my hero, but DAMN! The man has aged. Is it because he spends all his time worrying about Angie and her male co-stars and what they may be doing? (Just remember, Brad. Karma is watching) I’m sure having six kids to chase doesn’t help. I miss the days of a shirtless Brad with flowing hair and women killing themselves because of their love for him. Now, those days are just legends of the fall.
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore: I will admit, I never understood the allure of him in the first place, except for I found him to be very sweet and funny in Just Married. I no longer find him so. Perhaps if he showered once or twice this year, the fire would be re-kindled. Also, he is one of the only men who actually looks better with short hair…
Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson: I realize he was a slob long before Pamela, but then he was just acting like a Rockstar. And you never heard about his Hep C before her…
Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar: You are probably saying, “Who?!” My point exactly. The bitch is keeping him all to herself.
I could go on, but it just makes me sad. My fear is that if I marry my Rockstar, he will somehow magically become one of the Studs That Used to Be.