Here’s a naughty version for you all. Happy Holidays! XOXO
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the whore-house
not a hooker was stirring, or even a mouse.
The thigh-highs were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Santa would fill them with sex-wares.
The hustlers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of vibrators danced in their heads.
The Madam in her fur robe, and pimp in his coat,
Had just settled down with some cuffs and some rope.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
The pimp rushed over to see what was the matter.
He left the poor madam all tied up in bed,
While he looked out the window while scratching his head.
The neon from bar lights on the fresh-plowed snow,
Gave the glitter of strippers to the objects below.
When what to his lust-occupied eyes should appear,
But a Peterbilt semi, and a drunk plastered trucker.
The driver was fat, and totally tipsy,
The pimp thought he resembled St. Nicky.
He fell from the cab with a curse and finger,
And yelled at the top of his lungs for some strippers:
“Hey Sugar! Yo, Mimi! Venetia and LuLu!
Come, Baby! Come, Ginger! Come, Macy and Penny!
Get down hear this instant, I’ve had quite a trip!
Come suck on my balls while I play with your clits!”
As the girls tumbled out of their beds at the noise,
The pimp opened the window and screamed at the boy.
“Now look hear, you fucker! You gotta have money!
Pussy ain’t free, so show me some gravy!”
The trucker he swore as he dug through his pockets.
He’d spent all his dough on beer and some cigarettes.
He stumbled through the front whorehouse door,
And pleaded at the pimp about getting a whore.
“Dude! I ain’t got no money, no change at all. Yo!
My trailer’s filled with blowup dolls and dildos!
You can have them all if that bitch sucks my cock,
And sell all the rest to the sex shop down the block.”
The pimp, he thought hard, but then he thought, “It’s Christmas, oh joy!
My bitches deserve all his nipple clamps and toys.”
So he nodded affirmative; a hooker went down,
But when she came up, she was met with a frown.
“Your messy! Look at that jizz on your chin!”
The pimp railed at her while she looked on, chagrined.
The trucker sucked in a breath through his teeth,
While he mopped up his junk with a Christmassy wreath.
He chuckled when he saw spooge on his belly,
Because it reminded him a little of jelly.
The girls all stood silent, awaiting their orders,
The pimp slapped the hooker and shook her thin shoulders.
The trucker said, “Wait! Now wait just a second!
The gal helped me out. No need for you to wreck her!”
The pimp stopped his tirade, and glared at the trucker.
The trucker saw a new girl and wanted to fuck her.
He rubbed his soft cock til it started to grow,
Then he bent the girl over and he drilled that poor ‘ho.
The pimp was so surprised at his fervor,
He just stood there in awe and watched in great pleasure.
With a snap of his finger, two girls took their clothes off,
And got out the whips, ’cause he liked it rough.
The rest of the story, I will not really say,
Let’s just say everyone got off good on that day.
Nothing But Nonsense
I must say that of late, I’ve had not even one interesting Spam comment. For that matter, I’ve had hardly any comments at all. (But I completely appreciate all the comments I HAVE had!)
However, when I was looking through the Spam comments just now, I noticed there were several of the same comment made on a number of different posts. I’m paraphrasing here, because ’tis not worthy of a direct quote: Something something about that’s nothing but nonsense.
Basically, I have been found out. It takes a ballsy Spamator to call me out on my utter nonsense. I’m amazed it took someone this long to realize I’m a hack. (a excessively busty hack, but a hack all the same.)
Sure, I can be witty, and surprisingly creative at times, (have you read my smut?) but I openly admit my blog holds very little of import. You will not find great life lessons written here, (other than to NOT propose to your forty-something boyfriend in a post-it, because he will deem it unworthy of an answer) nor will you learn valuable truths (unless they are about me, in which case, if you ever are lucky enough to meet me, are very valuable indeed). To most, it would probably be said that my blog carries less entertainment within than a child’s Dr. Seuss book. (Fun fact: Dr. Seuss wrote for Playboy occasionally.)
To prove it, I will prove how nonsensacle I can be:
It’s true , what They say,
about money growing on trees,
But the best things in life are free.
BAM! 30 second poem.
Filed under Books, Children, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Money, Poem, Uncategorized
Tagged as comments, humor, life, musings, nonsense, Poem, spam, writing