It has been brought to my attention that I am offensive.
I must tell you, if anyone bothered to ask, I would gleefully admit fault at this accusation.
However, I am sad I’ve lost a reader over it.
(Mainly because every reader I DON’T have keeps me that much further from taking over the world.)
Our little story begins with a post I wrote in which I used the word “retarded”.
I agree that this word is highly offensive; after all, no one exactly goes around wishing someone would accuse them of retardedness. That being said, I wish to set things in the right.
A reader left a comment stating that the use of the word “retard” should never happen to beget laughs or guffaws. Therein lies the problem.
Firstly, if I happen to be funny in my posts, it is not intentional. True, I may on occasion publish something filled with wit, but I myself do not find myself overly amusing. (Unless I stand in front of the mirror naked and stick my belly out while juggling my excessive busooms.) So really, if I used the word “retard”, it was because I meant it as it is meant to be used, and not to accrue readers looking for laughs.
After my back and forth comments with said reader, I began to wonder if maybe I was in the wrong. (Briefly, mind you, as people of genius are rarely ever mistaken.) I made a point to come home and consult my Webster’s Encyclopedic Dictionary, my American Heritage Dictionary, and my handy dandy online Dictionary, only to discover that I did, in fact, use the word “retard” in the correct and un-offensive manner.
Retard: To obstruct in swiftness of course, to keep delaying, to impede; to hinder
From America’s Heritage:
Retard: To cause to move or proceed slowly, to be delayed.
From the world wide web dictionary:
Retard: A person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.
So there you have it. I believe my exact words were “I went to the non-retarded looking check out person”. Because I wanted to swiftly and without hinderance be out of the grocery store. Whether you look at definition 1, 2, or 3, I in no way used the word “retard” in reference in a derogatory way toward or about someone who may or may not be mentally handicapped, which is what my dear reader was so upset about. I simply wanted to be checked out by someone who was not stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in getting me the hell out of the grocery store.
I understand why someone with a mentally handicapped relative or friend may take offense at the term, but I have never used such a word in malice or hatred. If anyone would bother to delve a little deeper into past posts that I have written, they will notice that I am without judgment or prejudice toward anyone of different race, gender, creed, what have you. If anything, I take offense that anyone would dare suggest I used the word “retard” loosely or in a derogatory way, because I do on occasion read the dictionary to find out the proper and real definitions of words. I do not apologize for the things that I’ve written, but am only sorry some people have sticks up their asses and need to blow shit out of proportion.
P.S. If I would have meant it in a derogatory fashion, I woulda said, “Aright, Rain Man, get your fuckin’ retarded ass in gear.” But that is something I would never say. And really, if you care to admit it or not, everyone is a little retarded in some way. After all, I am completely obtuse when it come to mathematics.
P.P.S And really, I find myself to be much more offensive in nearly every other post I’ve ever written. Do you not agree?