Oh, sweet and uber-sexy bald man,
I, for some reason, find your middle-aged, still- buff self completely magnificent. Perhaps it is the fact that you are so invincible in the character of Eliot Stabler on Law and Order SVU. So many nights of mine have been devoted to watching SVU marathons on the USA network, just to catch a glimpse of your seductive scowl. I just want to say, you may cuff me and have your way any time. One episode in particular (which included a scene with you sans shirt) will forever be burned into my brain as the episode that sparked my much-appreciated Chris Meloni wet dream. (Hallelujah!)
I do not only appreciate you as Eliot; no- I appreciated the many delicious ass-shots the HBO show Oz supplied to me to further boost my obsession. I was, however, a bit disappointed the writers had your character in love with a man in that show…
My ardor was some-what disgruntled after seeing your bizarre performance as the fridge-humping cook in Wet Hot American Summer . (A not-well thought out career choice.)
The flame of my passion for you was further fueled when you played the single father to an almost-zombie girl in the movie Carriers.
Just the thought of your alluring Man Presence sends shivers straight to my secret places. Perhaps in the future, you will trade in your Amazon of a wife for a short girl with DDD’s? I can only hope. XOXO
P.S. If any bloggers know Chris personally, feel free to let him know that sparklebumpsthebookwhore pines for him endlessly; and that I have a pair of panties for him.
P.P.S. This ode is for humorous blogging purposes only, and no Meloni was stalked in the writing of it. However, the words in this post are completely true, and I find Chris utterly scrumptious.