Tag Archives: strippers

10 Reason You Want to Quit Your Job and Become a Stripper

1. You don’t have to wear clothes to work. In fact, you are tipped to take them off.

2. You don’t have to get up early in the morning.

3. You have people telling you all day every day how sexy and/or gorgeous you are.

4. You can buy many many many items off of the dollar menu at McDonald’s.

5. You get to wear awesome shoes. And glitter.

6. Strippers almost always smell amazing, and have very soft skin. (I know this because girls are allowed to touch.)

7. If you don’t like a customer, you can tell security that he’s a creeper, and they’ll kick him out. (I wish I had security like that at my work.)

8. You can afford to buy lots of candy. And a Ford Mustang.

9. You get to shove your boobies in people’s faces daily. (You may not understand the thrill, but having them serve a purpose other than getting in the way would be lovely.)

10. You get to call yourself whatever you want. (Princess Mystique has a nice ring to it. Who else is named after royalty AND an X-Man?)


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Date Night 2012: Stripperland

And our story continues….

After my Rockstar and I decided to leave the Red Carpet, he said, “Are we going to Sugar Daddies with all your ones or what?”

I have a habit of handing my wad of alotted spending moneys to my Rockstar at the beginning of adventuresome nights. (since ruffle skirts and tight shirts do not generally have pocketal areas) Since I am now a Pizza Slut, my wad of moneys tends to be all ones. (or 5’s) So this is the reason my Rockstar got the idea to go to the strip club.

Being the booby-loving and fun -loving girl that I am, I said, “Woo!”

So off we went to Stripperland.

Long ago, (right after I turned 18), I went to Stripperland with my ex-hubby and his friends. Him being the non-fun loving man that he was, he was not greatly amused when a dancer going by the name of Paige asked to gimme a lap dance. His friends, on the other hand, found it highly… amusing. At that time, Stripperland, MN was short on attractive nudey dancers, so I have not been back since. (Though Paige was adorable, in a pierced-tit-and-clit sort of way.)

Before me and my boobs came along, my Rockstar was a lonely lonely man who frequented Stripperland, MN. Since we have been together, he no longer finds the need to pay for ogling of naked chics, since I allow him to ogle me for free. (Although, I would surely take any dollar bills that were offered.)

When we got to Sugar Daddies, I was appalled to find that women no longer get in for free, but instead are forced to pay the same exhorbitant price of $10 for a glass of Diet Pepsi. (Dammit!) In my drunken state, I asked the bouncer-type man if he would sell me his lovely tie, which he thought about, before sadly refusing my offer, stating that he needed it for work the next night. With our $10 sodas in hand, we made our way to Sniffer’s Row, where a delightfully naked, almost hot chic proceeded to flash her pussy at us. Sadly, her second song was done almost immediately, and then a few uglies came out and danced. We moved away from Sniffer’s Row when my Rockstar proclaimed that he did not want to spend all of my hard-earned ones on Nasties.

After re-situating ourselves at a table, an adorably cross-eyed stripper came over to say hey. She commented on my shoes, (“OH! I looove your shoes! They are very stripperesque!”) to which I replied, (A bit sarcastically) “That is EXACTLY what I was going for!” *flashing a smile here*

She went away saddened that we did not request a personal dance. We then proceeded to roam our eyes around the place, looking for hotty strippers. My Rockstar grabbed my arm and whispered fiercely, “Don’t point! They’ll come over!” when I spotted one, and then he said, “Ah. Iana. I remember her. She don’t look so good no more.” when a blonde (of course) with a hot body but cottage cheese on her ass bent down in front of us.

I was immediately enthralled with “Brie” when she came out and shook things up by actually using the pole that was on stage. “How does she do that?!” I cried, when she spun around upside down, and then continued her dance by sliding her very nicely-shaped boobies out of her brassiere. Sadly, out of the 10 dancers we saw, she was the only one who appealled to me.

After my Rockstar commented, “Yeah, these girls have aged. The girls in Texas were way hotter.” and I checked his pants to see if he had a raging boner, (he didn’t), I suggested we go home and I would remedy the situation that was in his pants. (The situation being a flaccid Man Part.)

For the record, Stripperland, MN smells like tanning lotion, and NOT like expired Man Juice. (as I expected) For only $55, I could have sniffed the VIP room to see if THAT smelled like expired Man Juice. (I decided not this time.) On our way out, I once again tried to convince the bouncer to sell me his tie. (He politely refused.)

When we got home, I fled to the bathroom to pee, (alcohol will make you do that sometimes.) and when I came out, there was my Rockstar, trying to find hot chics on Lubetube. (highly entertaining television) I sauntered over to him (I like to think I sauntered, when in actuality I probably stumbled, but nevermind that.) and I said, “Aright, lemme see if I can get it hard, since all those other girls couldn’t.”

The End

P.S. The repurcussions of our trip to Stripperland were well worth the voyage. Let us just say that those girls have got nothing on me. Twice.  😉 XOXO


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I Will Do Nothing Today. It’ll Be Great

The illusive Day Off. I suppose technically I had yesterday off, but I DID have to drive to church and get paid, so that counts as work, right? I also ended up making caramel rolls that turned out pretty awesomely. So…. what shall I do on this day that I really don’t HAVE to do anything on?

A year ago, I would have slept until noon. This seems like a good thing to do on a day off. And it was. Sleep is one of my favorite things to do, which is weird since I think it is a complete waste of time. Unfortuneately, I am really no longer a Child of the Night. My Rockstar leaves for work at 5:30 AM, and I have trained him to kiss me goodbye in the morning, so I usually get up soon after he leaves. Today, I had to take his daughter to school, so I suppose I did have one little thing I HAD to do. I’m back from that now; I made sure to have all the laundry and dishes done, and I scrubbed the floors this morning so I don’t feel guilty sitting on my ass for the rest of the day.

Lap dances.I always have this great idea that I’m going to come up with seductive and bewitching lap dance routines for my Rockstar. He used to frequent the strip clubs in his less-seasoned years, and he probably would still if he had any extra cash lying around. I told him I want to go to Sugardaddy’s for my birthday, but I do believe he is a-scared he shall lose my affections to a stripper. While there is only a slight chance of that, he would most-assuredly lose all his money to one. So, instead, I have vowed to be the awesome girlfriend that I am and try to keep it exciting at home. But really, what is a lap dance? You sit on his lap and grind around, stick your boobies in his face- you know. I’m quite good at those things already, although the boobies in the face happens unintentionally at regular intervals mainly because they are DDD’s. Oops. So I think I won’t practice lap dancing today.

Masturbation. I’ll say it again because it’s so fun- masturbation! Not really much to say there except this is one of my favorite past-times, and I do it quite regularly on my days off. Everybody should give themselves a hand now and then. Sadly, it has no long-lasting adventageous benefits.

Bad Tv. Since I am rarely home alone, there is limited time in which to watch those peurile shows and movies that I am ashamed to admit are my guilty pleasures. I know I am not the only one who will sit through an 8 hr marathon of Sex and the City, or find a thrill out of watching Demi Moore scream, “Suck my dick!” in G.I. Jane. And so, I may just have to find that DVD.

Blogging. Since I am relatively new to the blogging world, I could spend the day surfing around, reading other people’s thoughts on life, love, and meatloaf. Or I could be motivated and entertain you all with my own misadventures and ingenious ruminations on life. I may do that some more later.

McDonald’s. This goes without saying. I rarely have a time when McD’s is serving non-breakfast and I don’t need to cook for my Beloveds. French fries are my favorite. Yes, I should really be exercising so I can fit into my snakeskin satiny pants, but really, who can say no to french fries? My diet can start tomorrow.

So basically, on my day off, I may just have to “audition the finger puppets ” while watching Jennifer’s Body, snarf down a Big Mac, shimmy around naked, and write about it later. Have a Blessed Day. XOXO

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