So I was feeling very un-inspired this morning, and so I text my Rockstar nd asked him what I should write about today. He replied with “Stupid People”, I think mainly because he is at work at the moment and is surrounded by them. I thought and thought of how to write about Stupid People in a helpful and entertaining way, and then it became glaringly clear to me- I would write a guide for them pointing out the everyday obvious things Stupid People sometimes just don’t seem to understand. The more I thought of it, the more I realized that Stupid People really just seem to lack a Common Sense gene.
TO THE MUSICALLY ILLITERATE:
1. Kesha is NOT a musician.
Despite the fact that she “Brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack” as a Rockstar might, Kesha in no way is musically talented. She does not play an instrment, and her tablature of sings is comparable to the noise one might here if invited to an orgy. Ugly and disgusting sounds.
2. Taylor Swift is, in fact a musician, though not an astonishing singer.
As much as I detest her, I cannot deny the fact that the girl CAN play guiter. Now whether it is well or not? That is a question for my Rockstar. However, the fact that she as a vocal range of less than ten notes will not put her in a category with the likes of Martina Mcbride or Mariah Carey.
As there are many different kinds of Stupid People, I must be moving on to a different category.
TO THE WOMEN WHO USE SEX:
1. While it is quite possible to keep a man’s interest for an undetermined amount of time by sleeping with him, he will most likely NOT be falling in love with you, unless you have a Magical Twat.
In the past, my mind has been boggled by these women who don’t understand, “Why hasn’t he said he loves me? Why aren’t we married?” (I realize I have said these very things, but for quite a different reason.) If a woman “dates” someone, (in the instances I’m referring to, the woman did nothing but go fuck the man several nights a week) yet never gets out of bed with him, how is that man supposed to see how wonderful and amazing (or not) of a woman you are?As much as I adore the Sex, I must point out that True Love does not begin with a boner.
2. If a woman is in a relationship with a man, yet realizes that it is doomed, it is not beneficial to either party to “accidentally” on purpose become pregnant.
My Rockstar has experience with this. He will agree with me.
TO THOSE ATTEMPTING TO MAKE THEIR WAY UP THE JOB FOODCHAIN:
1. Consistantly having your cell phone glued to your ear on phone calls with your girlfriend when you are supposed to be managing a shift is not the way to maintain you already tentatively-scheduled management hours.
2. Sitting down and/or standing outside while your overlord manager is present instead of ensuring your business is running smoothly and doing all to ensure it WILL run smoothly is not a way to impress the bosses.
TO THE VEHICULARILY DENSE:
1. Owning a Camaro does not automatically make you “cool”.
Owning a Mustang does not automatically make you “cool” either, but it gives you a much better chance.
2. Most major highways are constructed with two lanes- a slow lane and a fast lane.
The outside lane is made for the slow polk. This is to ensure that a shoulder is present for any overly-cautious drivers who need to check for tire poundage or are being pulled over by State Troopers for going under the posted speed limit. If a Polk is found in the non-designated slow lane, it’s more than possible he will be honked at profusely and flipped the bird by a red-head in yellow truck.
I guess that’s all I have for now, but feel free to offer up suggestions of other types of Stupids for me to guide.