Tag Archives: vacations

The Truth About Facebook


I have mixed feeling about Facebook.

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s just an excuse for everyone to say, “Hey! Look at me! I’m so great and wonderful and I post ALL these pictures to make you guys  THINK that I’m one of those people who DO stuff. I’m so beautiful and photogenic, and I fully intend to make you realize that!”

Yes, I am bitter.

I am bitter because no matter how many pictures my Facebook buddies post of me, EVERY SINGLE ONE looks like shit. I realize that I am not a skinny minnie, but for chrissake! Do they HAVE to post the pictures of me that make me look like I’m in the third tri-mester of my pregnancy with a whale?! These people are supposed to be my friends! What the hell?!

I am quite certain there are at least one or two good pictures out there of me, so why do my “Friends” insist on posting these horrendous photos? I will tell you why.

Because they want to make themselves look better.

I am their Facebook D.U.F.F.

For those of you who don’t know, a D.U.F.F. is a Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

I know this is what these people are doing, because I’ve had DUFFs in the past.

The difference is my DUFFs were not picked specifically to be DUFFs. They were my friends, and OTHER people informed me that they were DUFFs. I only saw them as my beautiful friends.

And I would NEVER EVER have posted pictures of them without their approval.

Moving on.

I have an appropriate amount of Facebook friends, I think.

Just over a hundred. I see no need to hike up my self-esteem by claiming every single person I’ve met in my life, including the woman who gave my mom the ultra-sound when she was pregnant with me as a Facebook friend. If I don’t still know you (or if you went to the same school as I did 10 years after me) I feel no need to approve your friend request.

And here’s the thing. I thought Facebook was a place to get in touch with people you liked. So why the hell do people go offline THE second I try to chat with them? If you don’t want to talk to me, then why the hell did you add me as your friend? If it was just to creep through my posted pictures, We’ve already established there are no good ones for you to look at. So just delete me already and be done with it.

Next- a confession.

Yes, I creep through people’s pictures. I especially find joy in looking through people’s wedding photos to see what kind of wedding they had. (I have a weird obssession with weddings. I’m quite certain that if they didn’t cost so much, I would have one every year.)  I do find it slightly disturbing that so many people are getting married nowadays- has this been going on for a long time and I never noticed? I also like to see photos of the boys I had crushes on, and the women that they ended up with; which I then think evil thoughts about in my head. (Such as- she has back fat. I’m cuter than her. I am also quite certain these women are saying the same things about me.) Also, do normal people always go on vacations EVERY year? Because I haven’t been on a real vacation since 1997 when I went to Tennessee with my parents and swam in a 4 person jacuzzi tub. Damn all you people and your fabulous vacations!

I DO like to look at my Facebook friends’ pictures when they are into photogrophy, or have gotten a new camera. After all, I love pretty things.

About the games- WTF?! Do you people have nothing better to do than feed virtual pigs and pretend to be mafia goons? NO, I do NOT want to help you get 7 more acres for your Farmville farm, because I would much rather go to work to save money for my own REAL farm. (Where I shall have a fainting goat and a peacock.) And anyway, shouldn’t you be having sex with you significant other, or learning to cook, or some other semi-useful thing?

I will admit, it is nice to see that Bob, or Henry, or Gloria have cancer, or have gotten engaged, or have died. Although, if I am not worthy of a phone call at these fine Life Moments, I have this feeling that you are somewhat dead to me already. Don’t you agree?

Lastly, it seems that Facebook is a place where any individual may go and blab all about themselves and their wonderful life, so I just don’t see the point. After all- I have a blog for that. XOXO

 

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