I was watching an episode of American Pickers yesterday when the most amazing of commercials came on. Imagine my delight when I heard the voice through the TV tell me that I too could receive my very own catheter sample pack free just by calling the number at the bottom of my screen! I knew immediately that this, this very glorious moment, was the one I had been waiting for my entire mournful existence.
I have heard that catheters do not have the same averse affects as other hospital-room treatments, such as morphine or triple-strength Tylenol. You will not hear of anyone requesting an extra catheter insertion to dull the pain of an explosive hemorrhoid, nor will there ever be the danger of becoming addicted to the use of catheters because of an extended stay in Dr. House’s house. Nevertheless, I find the TV’s exceptionally bright push to give catheter samples away an amazing opportunity, and here are the reasons why:
1. It would make an excellent gift for someone getting on in years.
Perhaps this seems a bit cruel, but just think of the money you will save them if they ever DO have to don a catheter- when faced with this perhaps- disturbing news, they can simply whip out their catheter sample pack and cry, “Never fear! I have an entire buffet of catheters here to choose from, and you won’t have to charge me a dime!” Surely, your friend will thank you for your thoughtfulness.
2. It would make an excellent tool to get people to do what you want.
Instead of warning people, “I have a gun.”, think how more menacing you would sound if you threatened, “I have a catheter sample pack, and I’m not afraid to use it!” I am quite certain the threat of having something shoved up a man’s peehole would make him acquiesce to any demands you might make. This may also come in handy if you ever find yourself in charge of a bunch of males in your workplace, as I have. However, I cannot be at fault for any HR issues you may have.
3. It could be a pre-college learning tool for those hoping to have careers as RNs.
Wrap it up in a bow and present it to any pre-med bound youngster with a note that says, “You have a whole pack of chances to figure out how to do this so you can be at the head of your class. Don’t forget to use lube.” Children are our future, I think it only fair we give them every chance at success that we can.
Given all these valid reasons, I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t want to call the 800 number on the bottom of their screen this instant.