When I got terminated from my bookstore, one of my first thoughts actually was, “Hmm. I guess I will no longer be receiving excessive attentions from strange men that I don’t know.” When this occurred to me, I must admit that I was slightly distraught- not only does the attentions of weirdos make for interesting blog fodder, but despite the general creepiness of most advances I’ve received, they somehow still manage to satisfy my histrionic need for adoration.
It seems that my worries concerning this subject were pleonastic (Yes, I’ve been reading my thesaurus again.)
What I failed to realize at the time of my firing is that I had newly been hired as a Pizza Slut. That means- out of 17 employees, I work with exactly two other women. What do you think the reactions are of men (and boys) who get to work with my amazing self every flippin’ day?
Admit it. You’d be thrilled too.
Shall we go over just a few of the wanton and unbelievable comments I’ve received in the last 9 months? Here we go:
“You don’t understand. I’m completely falling in love with you. I don’t know what to do about my girlfriend.”
You may be surprised at this one, since I have not before this mentioned anything about an overly-amorous being at work. Let us just say his job title rhymed with “moss”, and he no longer works with me. (I promise, I had nothing to do with that.)
“You’re gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. And your personality is awesome. I only have one question. Will you be my secret lover?”
Incidentally, this was the fourth sentence out of a new employees mouth after having met me. It left me wondering what it is about me that makes people think they can say these blatant things to a fellow employee….
“You are and amazing and powerful woman, Sparklebumps. That scares me.”
Oh yes. I am sooooo scary. BOO! MWAHAHAHHAA
“You’re totally awesome. I love working with you.”
I must admit, every employee I have has said this to me at some point, even the ones who don’t lust after me. It’s because, well… I’m awesome. I don’t mean to sound cocky, but it seems to be true.
“I find you to be very pretty. ”
Seems very sweet right? That comment was followed with- “And you have a really hot ass.”
“You’re gorgeous. I want to squeeze your butt, but I didn’t want to get fired. But I think you’re really beautiful.”
No, I didn’t let him squeeze my butt, just in case any of you wondered about my boundaries…
While I find it incredible that these comments are truthfully flung my way so frequently, I must admit that it’s quite good for my ego. It’s also a bit humorous that my allure seems to have no age limits. You would think a 20 year old would have a slightly different inclination than a 52 year old. But who am I to judge?