Who Says You Can’t Be Something You’re Not?

I have been to the Rennaissance Festival.

Talk about sensory overload.

It has been a long-standing wish of mine to attend a Rennaissance Festival, considering that everything princess-like and fairy-tale-ish appeals to me so. (Men with long hair may also be mentioned in that list.) So this year, I made a point to finally go to a land where men are cads and women are dressed like courtesans. (As opposed to real life, where men are assholes and women are dressed like sluts.) Upon hearing of the new addition added to the fair, the Mermaid Cove, there was no way I was missing it once again.

My friend Delightful and I arrived to the dust-cycloned fields of Rennaissance Parking, and I was secretly already berating myself for wearing my stilletto suede ruffled Rennaissance-inspired boots as we tramped through the dirt to purchase our tickets. Upon entering the gates and being thrilled at the many faux medieval accents I’d already encountered, I was immediately over-whelmed by men in leggings and busooms of women that were on the edge of escaping their barely-there entrappings. My overwhelmingness of eye-opening tittilage (haha) was quickly distracted by a vendor selling sparkly and amazing crystals.

I found soon enough that although medieval Rennaissance fair was equipped with modernized biffys, the stench of shit was just as barbaric. This was due to the fact that about 40 biffys were situated in a circular fashion behind a wall that allowed the smell of human waste to rot in a not-so-lovely enclosed area. Blech.

At one point, I wondered if Delightful was preturbed by my ever-increasing lack of concentration. “OH! A man playing a lute over there! Oh! We must go see what all the cheering is about! Oh! Look! A puppy!” (Not very rennaissancey, I’ll admit)” Look at that accordian player with the creepy eyes! He most certainly IS making eyes at me!” At least Delight burst out laughing when I made eyes back at the grungy accordian player, so perhaps she was mildly entertained. (For the record, the accordian player was seen on several occassions throughout the day, but I cannot say with certainty that he was stalking me, as it IS is job to roam.)

We laughed at the wonderfully crass Washer Wenches while enjoying frozen oranges that dripped onto our cleavage. We oohed and aahed over the many decadent and ornate costumes that walked by. And then we stood in line for a good 45 minutes to adore the mermaids.

Now, there are many people who might say such myths as Santa Clause and Mermaids and Jesus are just that. While I do wonder if the original Santa is, in fact, still alive, I very much do believe in mermaids. You may laugh, but have you ever thought- where did the idea for mermaids come from if they didn’t exist at some point? Perhaps they were not exactly how we envision them, but for goodness’ sake, people believe in dinosaurs.

I am quite aware that the mermaids I saw at the Rennaissance Festival were not true ones (because I could see their knees through their less-than-authentic tails) but as I watched them wave prettily and beckon to men, I thought, “What the heck? That’s exactly what I do every day!” The realization that I am essentially a mermaid with better shoes was quite exciting. Then I thought to myself, “I used to dream of being a mermaid. My mother told me that wasn’t possible, but look! These girls are mermaids, and their mothers probably told them they couldn’t be either!”

So I have come to the conclusion that I WILL, I WILL be a mermaid. Auditions are held in May and June. I can’t wait.

 

P.S. If anyone has suggestions on how to audition to be a mermaid, feel free to comment.