I was having an perfectly acceptable conversation with my Rockstar the other night while sucking down Cherry Rum and V-8 Splash, when it suddenly became quite objectionable. We were discussing one of my Rockstar’s coworkers, and his utter weenie-age, when the subject was replaced with said Weenie’s wife. I have only encountered the Weenie’s wife on two occassions, both company Christmas parties I’ve attended where it seems I am just too much for my Rockstar’s coworkers. (But nevermind about that.)
I began pointing out that on these two occassions, the Weenie’s wife was less than friendly, but that she had been wearing fun knee-high boots when first I met her. My Rockstar seems to remember these boots with surprising clarity, and had this opinion about them-
“Yeah, you can tell she has a bit of a wild side because she was wearin’ those boots.”
Let me translate for you, because this is actually what he meant-
“Yeah, she was wearin’ those boots because she was hoping they’d help her get laid.”
I may seem incorrect in my translation, but trust me. I know my Rockstar better than you.
Anyhoo, at first I was unsure of how to respond. After all, as I am quite certain the Weenie’s wife was wearing her ONLY pair of sexy boots, I have numerous pairs of sexy boots, stillettos, wedges, etc. that I do not wear with the intention of trying to get laid. After a moment, I decided to ask my Rockstar his opinion on THOSE-
“Geez, if that’s what you thought of her boots, what must you think of me when I wear all my shoes?”
Translation- “So do you think I look slutty in my fun shoes too?”
He has learned to not be crass in his speech to me, however, he hasn’t lost the crass attitude. His answer?
“I think you know exactly what you look like when you wear your shoes.”
One more translation- “Yeah, you look like a horny skank when you wear your shoes, too.”
I was somewhat disturbed to find that my Rockstar is not as thrilled with my shoes as I am. However, skankage is NOT the reason I wear them. And so we are going to play a little game, where I will show you a picture, and I will tell you the first word that comes to mind, then you get to tell me the first word that comes to YOUR mind. Here we go: