Ode To Christopher Meloni


Oh, sweet and uber-sexy bald man,

I, for some reason, find your middle-aged, still- buff self completely magnificent. Perhaps it is the fact that you are so invincible in the character of Eliot Stabler on Law and Order SVU. So many nights of mine have been devoted to watching SVU marathons on the USA network, just to catch a glimpse of your seductive scowl. I just want to say, you may cuff me and have your way any time. One episode in particular (which included a scene with you sans shirt) will forever be burned into my brain as the episode that sparked my much-appreciated Chris Meloni wet dream. (Hallelujah!)

I do not only appreciate you as Eliot; no- I appreciated the many delicious ass-shots the HBO show Oz supplied to me to further boost my obsession. I was, however, a bit disappointed the writers had your character in love with a man in that show…

My ardor was some-what disgruntled after seeing your bizarre performance as the fridge-humping cook in Wet Hot American Summer . (A not-well thought out career choice.)

The flame of my passion for you was further fueled when you played the single father to an almost-zombie girl in the movie Carriers.

Just the thought of your alluring Man Presence sends shivers straight to my secret places. Perhaps in the future, you will trade in your Amazon of a wife for a short girl with DDD’s? I can only hope. XOXO

P.S. If any bloggers know Chris personally, feel free to let him know that sparklebumpsthebookwhore pines for him endlessly; and that I have a pair of panties for him.

P.P.S. This ode is for humorous blogging purposes only, and no Meloni was stalked in the writing of it. However, the words in this post are completely true, and I find Chris utterly scrumptious.

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17 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized

17 responses to “Ode To Christopher Meloni

  1. Miss Manda

    Ohhh yeah! You are so right! His is one hot ass man, especially as Detective Stabler on SVU! I too, LOVEEEEEEEEEEE and LUST Christopher Meloni ❀ YUMMY!

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  4. No, I don’t think so. There was more boobage on that show than penis posing.

  5. Cripes, I remember him from Oz! A brutal show with the occasional penis on show.

    If you watch the The Wire you can play ‘spot the actors from Oz’.

  6. I like you. You’re naughtier than me!

  7. I dont think I have any contacts on SVU but I shall have a think, I could easily get you a role as a corpse in another film though. (well I say easily…Id hope so) I have some friends in the podcasting world who are film makers. Want me to mention you on my next podcast..I am chatting with him on a show this coming Monday.

  8. SandySays1

    I know, I know! I feel the same way about Rin Tin Tin. You missed one though- he was great in “Runaway Bride” as the football coach.
    Sandy
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

    • I didn’t forget, I just didn’t want Chris to think I was gushing. And the weird thing is, when I first saw Runaway Bride, I didn’t know who he was, so I didn’t like his character, but when I watched it again after, yes, I thought he was beautiful…

  9. I dont know Christopher personally, but I do have the ear of Tom Fontana, the creator of Oz πŸ™‚ Does that gets me some brownie points

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