A Blow-Dried Ass


I figured it out! NOBODY can fool me!

My Rockstar blow-dries his ass. (Technically, I guess you could say he blow-dries his entire nether-region.)

I will tell you how I came to figure this out.

My Rockstar gets up at the God-awful hour of 5:00 AM every morning. As I am one of those individuals who sleeps like the dead, I am unaware of his getting up, even when the alarm clock goes off. There have been rare occassions when his easing out of bed has awoken me. During these times, in my sleep-induced haze, I imagine what he does to get ready for the day. This is how I discovered the truth about the blow-dryer.

I hear him go into the bathroom and flip the light on, which includes a completely obnoxious fan that is reminiscent of blustering hurricane. (I DESPISE it.) He then turns the shower on to let it warm up, (because we live in an older than dirt apartment building with timeworn pipes.) He then takes his morning dump, (which I am glad does not include reading material.) and flushes before he gets in the shower.

In the shower, I imagine he uses only shampoo (as men are wont to do,) even though I have supplied minty scalp-tingling conditioner for him, he uses the razor I used on my bikini area on his face (which he has readily admitted) and then he jacks off . (while thinking of me, of course) I do not know that last part for a fact, but I have been told that ALL men masturbate, and the ones that deny it are lying, and unless he is doing it in the middle of the night while I am in my mummy-like state, this seems to be the probable time when he would do it. (As far as thinking of me- this is MY story, so if Megan Fox and her weird thumbs make any appearances, I will be very upset.)

After getting out of the shower, my Rockstar grabs a towel while his teeth chatter with cold and his balls shrink to the size of raisins. (I have seen him get out of the shower after we have….tussled, and he is always shivering with cold.)

After he dries off, he brushes his teeth with his turbo-charged toothbrush (which I suggested he buy) and then he uses the blow-dryer.

The blow-dryer has been a source of confusion for me since we began dating (and tussling) 2 years ago. It seemed odd to me that a single 39 yr old dad came complete with a blow-dryer. I wondered if this was God’s version of a Howard Johnson’s. (free sex and blow-dryer included!) Of course, I suppose it makes sense that a man having shoulder length amber tresses would have a blow-dryer, but when I asked him about it, he claimed he had one because it warmed him up when he got out of the shower. I did not think about it again, but then my imagination and the clues got the better of me.

Every morning, the blow dryer wakes me up. Not enough to merit getting out of bed, but enough for me to wonder why the hell he has it on for so long.

Clue #1 He has the blow-dryer running for so long, yet when he hugs me goodbye, his hair is still wet when it falls into my face.

Clue #2 He is thin, so unless he takes extra care in drying only his private areas, it shouldn’t take him THAT long to blow dry his self.

Clue # 3 He is incredibly fresh-smelling down there. This is the biggest clue that tipped me off. Not that I go around sniffing other people’s privates (because that’s just weird) but I have , on occasion, found my skullage in a few men’s privatal areas. (Stop your wild thinking- one at a time) My Rockstar happens to have no smell in his boxers that is reminiscent ofย  sweat, un-dried or un-washed junk, etc.

THEREFORE, it is my suspicion that my Rockstar blow-dries his pudenda and other assorted lower areas, including his ass.

 

 

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17 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized

17 responses to “A Blow-Dried Ass

  1. The BF just read the first few sentences, asked why a dude would blow dry his twig and berries and derriere…then promptly disappeared into the bathroom…hmmmmmmmmmm

  2. Pingback: Slightly Less Creepy Search Terms | sparklebumpsthebookwhore

  3. savorthefolly

    hmmmmm….that was nice….a feel so warm and fuzzy now.

  4. savorthefolly

    damn! based on these reviews I need to go try this! okay, that’s it, I’m doin it tomorrow.

  5. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say your Rockstar is onto something here. REALLY…

  6. savorthefolly

    no kidding, I’m gonna go try it myself. I’d try it right now but the kids are home from school. I’ll write a review once I have more info.

  7. Alright, so I asked the ex if this is something he does or would do. He said he didn’t, but if he did, he’d probably have to jump back into the shower to clean up after. Which leads me to wonder…what is so good about it? I’m gonna try it myself and let you all know tomorrow.

  8. savorthefolly

    All I can say is that I’m so glad I found your site. and YES, the saying goes as follows, “99% of men masturbate and the other 1% lie about it.” Morning shower is probably a common time to let a round out of the chambers.

    perhaps I will buy my husband a blow-dryer for Christmas….

    • Oh yay! I am so glad too! I believe he also jizzes in the shower because our relationship lacks much morning sex, but that’s probably TMI.
      I think you would greatly appreciate any blow-dryer you would give your hubby. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • savorthefolly

        not at all, I find my threshold for TMI is really really high on the internet, and especially from other women – I want to hear every single disgusting detail. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Well, you will surely get it from me, much to my Rockstar’s annoyance. (His annoyance being due to the fact that I share some of my posts on Facebook)

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