Joe’s Junk and Other Disturbing Search Terms

My blog has finally given offense (since I’m quite sure that it never has before 😉  ) I switched on my computer this day and checked my “Site Stats”, only to be assaulted by “Joe Dimaggio’s penis”. Now, one would think it quite impossible for a man that’s been taking a dirt nap for many moons  to lambaste me with his genitalia, in fact, I believe Joe himself would be greatly distraught, but apparently someone’s quest for info on Joe’s Man Parts led them to my blog. Yes, I am speaking of the search engine terms that people have used and have ended up at my blog. It is safe to say that my blog is not entirely wholesome, but it truly unsettles me that sparklebumps is now associated with Joe Dimaggio’s cock. If I was going to rave about a man’s schlong, I doubt it would be Joe’s. Which brings me to another search engine term that brought me out of my disturbia:

“Is Christopher Meloni buff?” Yes! The man who causes the tiny earthquakes in my pants most definitely IS buff! This search term makes a bit more sense to me, because who wouldn’t WANT to find out about Chris? Yes, I realize I have mentioned him several times in the history of this blog, but a person can never really say enough about the dreamboat that is Chris. Though I have never mentioned his buffness (I don’t think),  with my slight mentioning of this Adonis- like man, it makes sense that someone would find my blog.

“Armpit welt” I have never at any time mentioned anything about armpit welts (although it DOES sound like something I would say). I’m not exactly sure what they are, or what causes them, but I am quite certain that finding my blog is the cure.

“Diary of a slut” I may be a bookwhore, but I ain’t no slut. Yes, perhaps to some… virgins, I would be considered a strumpet (I love that word!) and the fact that I blatantly mention past sexual encounters may deem me harlot-like; but I can count on les than 2 hands the number of men I’ve tussled with. I will let you be the judge as to whether that makes me a slut…

“talking dirty erotic” Despite my admirable way with words, I feel that speak during sex is completely unnecessary. Don’t get me wrong; may I remind you that I have a dirty little mind and certainly come up with things to say, such as, “I want to feel your rock-hard cock in my wet cunt” and “I want you to cum all over my tits so I can lick it up”, but I prefer to remain a bit more mysterious in this area (as in wordless) and spelling cum like that freaks me out.

“how to get your fuck buddy to fall in love with you” I have no frickin’ clue. That was purely an accident. I am the LAST person you should ask about getting people to fall in love with you. The only thing I can say is put a little bit of Sparklebumps in your step. Whatever that is. It is nice that people with burning questions like this have been so lucky to find my blog.

P.S. In reference to my Joe Dimaggio rant up there- it’s amazing how many different words there are for “penis”, isn’t it?

P.P.S. I realize that a picture of Joe’s penis would have been more appropriate for this post, but I’m sorry, any chance to look at Chris…


Filed under Beauty, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Love, Uncategorized

20 responses to “Joe’s Junk and Other Disturbing Search Terms

  1. Pingback: Blake Shelton, Your Penis is Popular (and Other Semi-Popular Posts) | sparklebumpsthebookwhore

  2. Pingback: Now It’s Blake Shelton’s Bulge… | sparklebumpsthebookwhore

  3. I am clearly a fucking noob.

    *sits with slack jaw*

  4. Someone found be by searching for Naked Potty Pics, what kind of sick bastard looks for naked folks on the crapper? Furthermore, who takes these photos of themselves? Completely rhetorical, unless you have an answer.

  5. whiteladyinthehood

    I was really slow witted on the search engine terms…but after staring at the Dashboard thingy the other day – the light bulb finally came on…maybe I should change my name to something more exciting…all I get is poor lost fools lookin’ for sweat shirts…..

    • Yeah, I was surprised that MOST of my search terms were people actually searching for Sparklebumps. I googled it once and I’m pretty much the only thing that comes up. I guess there are a few people who actually have heard of me…

  6. My favorite one from my blog is “Jensen Ackles life-sized cut-outs.” Not sure where you’d get something like that, but sign me up.

  7. Was looking through my old photos and a picture of American cola can was in my phones memory and its tag line read “puts a sparkle in your day” now my brain automatically inserted sparkle bumps into that sentence 😀

  8. “I feel that speak during sex is completely unnecessary,” I love this, I might quote it in future 😛 and Ben Like the phrase “The only thing I can say is put a little bit of Sparklebumps in your step”

  9. Strumpet is indeed a spectacular word.

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