Daily Archives: January 10, 2012

A Sparklebumps Grocery List

If I was living alone and did not have to responsibly buy groceries to feed my Beloveds, this is what my grocery list would look like:

Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch (I prefer original, but it cuts the roof of your mouth)

Cinnamon Toast Crunch (This is a staple on my Responsible Adult Grocery List anyway, because I was never allowed to have it when I was young.)

1% Milk (only purchased to enhance said cereal, because as a child I was forced to drink a glass of milk at every meal, and I hate it now. Unless it has ice in it.)

Oreos- single-stuffed (Double stuffed are totally gross)

A six-pack of gum in assorted minty flavors (Because I look so much cuter with somethin’ in my mouth)

7 Jack’s Supreme frozen pizzas (I like the vegetables, but I pick the sausage off)

Individually packages Chicken Kievs (Because butter-doused poultry is indeed healthy)

Blazin’ Buffalo Doritos, (and other assorted flavors)

Ruffles potato chips

Top the Tator sour with chives (for the Ruffles)

A bag of bite-size Butterfingers (to eat while watching Chris Meloni movies)

A case of Caffeine-free Diet Coke (I am not worried about caffeine keeping me up all night. I believe that due to my extensive diet of heart-attack inducing foods, sugar and caffeine no longer have an effect on me. I just like the taste better.)

Soy sauce

Chow mein noodles (soy sauce and chow mein noodles are my go to food when I am too lazy to cook, which is, like, always)

Cheese (because no grocery list is complete without cheese)

Corn dogs (best if fried, but if I lived alone, I would never own a fryer)

Peaches (See? I like healthy things)

broccoli, cauliflower, and baby carrots

Dill-flavored veggie dip (Because veggies are gross without it.)

Coffee- flavored ice cream (I don’t drink coffee for breakfast, I eat ice-cream instead.)


OK, so I think that’s about it. If I lived alone, I would surely suffer from a heart attack or diabetes by the time I was 40.


Filed under Food, Humor, Life, Uncategorized