If I Was an Actress

I love movies, and I have, in my younger years, spent a great amount of time imagining what roles I would wish to play if ever I was to be an actress. Keep in mind that the following is strictly hypothetical; since I am now much too old to play many of the parts, and the other parts were already filled, creating wonderful movies for me to watch. Most of the parts I’d want to play come from books that were made into movies. (Because I’m a book freak like that.)

Juliet- from Romeo and Juliet: What better part to play than a girl who kills herself for love? I think it’s very romantic. And in the Baz Luhrman production, Claire Danes bugged the shit out of me.

Beth- from Little Women: When I was younger, I was incredibly shy (Yes, I’m quite aware how things change) and Beth was the shy sister, so I believe I could have played that part well. Technically, I DID play Beth in my high school’s version of Little Women; and I was very upset in the play version when Beth didn’t actually die in her last scene. I tried to convince the director to change the script, but to no avail. Oddly enough, this is a part Ms. Danes ALSO played in a movie. Because of my non-shyness now, however, I believe I would be able to better do justice to the part of Jo.

Lady Chatterly- from Lady Chatterly’s Lover: because she was kind of a slut.

Eustacia Vye- from Return of the Native: she was a gorgeous woman who made multiple men fall completely in love with her, and she ended up marrying one of them who promised to take her away from the life she hated, only to have him go blind before that happened. I’m quite aware that I would never have gotten cast in this part because of the whole “gorgeous” thing, so it’s good Catherine Zeta-Jones already played it.

The Joker- from Dark Knight: Yes, I’m quite aware this is a man’s part, and Heath Ledger did an excellent job (God rest his soul), but I think I could have given him a run for his money.

Rose- from Titanic: Who WOULDN’T want to be part of the biggest movie of the century? I think Kate Winslet was ravishing as Rose; however it is my own opinion that Leonardo Dicaprio  should have been the one nominated for the Oscar.

Marianne Dashwood- from Sense and Sensibility: A woman in love with love. A woman after my own heart. Also played by Kate Winslet.

Marilyn Monroe- in an Marilyn movies: there are many to choose from, unfortuneately, it seems they are all being made BEFORE I am discovered.

Lisa- from Girl Interrupted: Don’t get me wrong. Angelina was awesome in this movie. (Yes, I am biased) But I could have been too.

Rain ManHere is my question? Why do actors and actresses always win Oscars for playing crazy or retarded parts? I honestly think these would be the easiest parts to play. (Perhaps that is because for me, it wouldn’t really be acting…)

Tina Turner- from What’s Love Got To Do With It?: I am not black, and I do not think a white girl in black face would have had the same affect.

Blanche Dubois- from A Streetcar Named Desire: I pretend to be a high-class lady all the time.

Becky Bloomwood- from Confessions of A Shopoholic: this movie is about my life.

Mallory Knox- from Natural Born Killers: again- playing a crazy woman would be a breeze.

Cruella De Ville- because she’s awesome.

Mary Poppins- she, also, was awesome. And kinda mean.

Randle McMurphy- from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest: because he was frickin’ hilarious. I suppose when I think about it, I could have played Nurse Ratched instead…

Anything featuring Chris Meloni- I would even do it for free just to be near him.

So there you have it, my Lovelys. My film career if I had ever had one.





Filed under Books, Entertainment, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

6 responses to “If I Was an Actress

  1. I would love to try on Julianne Hough’s character on for size. =) I think you would be ravishing as Juliet and Eustacia Vye and the best crazy nut of them all in all the other roles. Hehe.

  2. As a matter of fact, HELLISIA looks like Salma Hayek.

  3. I’d play Antonio Banderas’ part in Desperado, because, you know, Salma Hayek. A good backup movie would be Matthew Perry’s part in Fools Rush In, because, you know, Salma Hayek. Oh, let’s face it. I’d play the kid in Spy Kids 3-D because, Salma Hayek.

  4. I’d play Mark Wahlberg’s role in Boogie Nights. Not for the porn, but to wear all those cool 70s clothes…ok and for the porn.

  5. And the Oscar goes to…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s