For Sale
One mentally-maladjusted individual; slightly used. No dents.
All natural triple DDD’s included.
Measures out at 5’3″ and a 1/4.
Goes by the pseudonym “Sparklebumps”. Also responds to “Crazy Bitch”.
Runs like a dream when re-fueled with copious amounts of sugar or french fries.
Fits in a size 9 shoe- ass looks best when in a 5″+ stilletto.
Requires attention, regular orgasms, flattery, and books to operate properly.
Has supplied many hours of marathon sex, laughter, and stress-inducing behavior.
Can provide music, magnificent bedroom play, hugs, and trivia answers.
Horniness and entertaining buffoonery greatly heightened when provided with alcohol.
Hysteria may result if not suitably boned daily.
$6,000,000 or best offer.
Will consider newer model Mustangs and European castles on trade.
Contact Sparklebumps c/0 Rockstar at 867-5309 or via comments.
Series queries only please. Will not respond to bill collectors and/or IRS personel.
Sparklebumpsthebookwhore 
Will this do? http://www.arundelcastle.org/_pages/03_visitor_info.htm
If you can find a way to get me there, we’ll talk. I can settle for hermitage there.
I can’t believe you are selling yourself. Now, I mean. What took you so long?
Anyone who is interested, I have her real number. It’s 985-655-2500. And she’s worth $6,000,007 at least!
Thats one wrong number there Mr. Hotspur. No one there but a guy named RICK who ROLLED all over the place. Its ok though I Was able to party like it was 1999.
Sorry, HR. Well, check out the website. http://www.tubgirl.ca
I’m sure this will work out better for you.
You bastard. I think I’m mostly blind now.
And you DO realize HR is trying to purchase me right? NOT trying to have his eyes assaulted.
OK, the incredibly creepy thing about that is rick n roll is my Rockstar’s email. Apparently he has a 2nd cell phone I was unaware of and he beat me to the punch of putting me for sale.
I wasn’t aware that I was in such high demand.
You have no idea how tempted I was to actually dial that number. However, I know you’re just trying to steal all my money…
I think, If I won the lottery of course, we would be perfect 😉 I could buy us Lowther Castle and Mustangs!! but I gotta buy a ticket first … I will tell you if I win 🙂
OK, I’ll be waiting. 🙂
Ok was that the Car AND castle,
Cause I’m kinda hoping it was an OR.
It’s negotiable…I would maybe take a mudblood vampire instead…
I think I know where to find one of those. Wait I’m one of those. I’m in your service my lady.
wow that turned around on me, how do you do that ?
Tricksy, ain’t I? 😉
Shades of Shel Silverstein… 😉
He’s kinda awesome. Even though he’s dead.