In the holiday spirit, I have composed the following post to be sung to the tune of the song My Favorite Things. If you feel like greatly disturbing those holiday shoppers the next time you’re in public, I greatly urge you to start singing this:
Sparkles and dildos and shiny stilettos,
French fries and mustangs and posts about book hos,
Ben-wa balls and whatever else Santa will bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Purple and kisses and hugs gotten from strangers,
That last one might put me a little in danger,
Dolly and Audrey and that Marilyn,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Music and Rockstars and Rockstar’s’s boners,
I really don’t like that my Brother’s a stoner, (sorry, I couldn’t think of anything else that rhymed. But it’s true)
Please pull my hair when you’re ready to come,
And I’ll be very pissed if you drink all the rum.
Chorus:
When I’m horny,
When I’m lonely,
When I’m feeling down,
I simply remember the sex from last night,
And then I no longer frown.
Blowjobs and brunettes and hot Chris Meloni,
I know if he met me he’d never let go of me.
Riding my Rockstar til his balls are blue,
These are a few of the things that I’ll do.
Charlie Sheen since he fell off the wagon,
Hot karls, blumpkins, and gross angry dragons,
Dirty sanchezes and glass-bottom boats,
These are a few of the things that I won’t.
Chorus:
When I’m crazy,
When I’m bonkers,
When I’m feeling bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so mad.
THE END
Love it 😛
Yay!
I just sang it out loud on my balcony…awesome!!!
Did you get any funny looks?
Great! Now this will be stuck in my head allllllllll night long.
Thanks!!
😉
Nick
My pleasure.
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Hahaha. Love this. May have to do my own version.
Bugger! It’s stuck in my head now!
Awesome!
AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! This is my new favorite!!! I’m going to be singing it when I’m out and about tomorrow! Teehee! Brilliant I say! Brilliant!
Yay! I plan on singing it too this weekend…
When you did the blumpkin, did you feel a little flush afterwards?
If you read more closely, the blumpkin was in the category of thing that I WON’T do…
My bad. But you didn’t say anything about rusty trombones.
We should caroling!
There should have been a “go” in there. I’m running on 2 1/2 hours of sleep.
HAHA. I will have to make up some more…. There was one time my friend and I made alternate words for “Let it snow” having to do with hunters….
LOL! Loved it! But the funniest thing was that as I was reading your words, my mind had perfect recall of Julie Andrews’ voice singing this, only singing it with your words! 🙂
I know! I was thinking of her the whole time! How awesome would it be if an almost-nun sang my version?
This is the most AMAZING thing ever written, Ben even sang it ahaha!
Haha! Your Ben is Amazing! He should record it and put it on his blog!
He seriously might, I will post the link to you in a while 😀
Hilarious!!!!!
You ain’t right. You’re fabulous and fun … but you ain’t right. 😉
It took you this long to realize it? I suppose that’s something I could put on my “About” page, to warn people, eh?